英文演讲稿搞笑

『壹』 需要一篇不超过3分钟的英语演讲稿，要幽默有趣，中英对照！

A
Young
Idler,An
Old
Beggar
Almost
everyone
knows
the
famous
Chinese
saying：A
young
idler，an
old
beggar.
Throughout
history，we
have
seen
many
cases
in
which
this
saying
has
again
and
again
proved
to
be
true.
It
goes
without
saying
that
the
youth
is
the
best
time
of
life，ring
which
one's
mental
and
physical
states
are
at
their
peaks.
It
takes
relatively
less
time
and
pains
to
learn
or
accept
new
things
in
a
world
full
of
changes
and
rapid
developments.
In
addition，one
is
less
likely
to
be
under
great
pressure
from
career，family
and
health
problems
when
young.
Therefore，a
fresh
mind
plus
enormous
energy
will
ensure
success
in
different
aspects
of
life.
Of
course，we
all
know：no
pains，no
gains.
If
we
don't
make
every
effort
to
make
good
use
of
the
advantages
youth
brings
us，it
is
impossible
to
achieve
any
goals.
As
students，we
should
now
try
our
best
to
learn
all
the
subjects
well
so
that
we
can
be
well
prepared
for
the
challenges
that
we
will
face
in
the
future.
少壮不努力,老大徒伤悲
几乎所有人都知道中国有一句老话:少壮不努力,老大徒伤悲.通过阅读历史,我们从一个又一个的案例当中得知,这句话被证实是真确的.
不用说都知道,在青年时期,人的智力和身体状况都是一生中最好的,这也是一个人一生中最好的时期.在这个处处都不停地转变,飞快地发展的世界里,年轻使人相对地用更少的时间去学习和领悟新知.在这时,很少人会困在从事业上来的压力下,家庭和健康问题也比较小(就是说不是没有--译者).所以,一个清醒的脑袋加上巨大的能量就会成就人生中不同方面的成功.
当然,我们都知道:没有挫折就没有获得.如果我们没有好好努力去利用年轻带给我们的优胜之处,那就没有可能获得任何的成功.作为中学生,我们应该做到最好去学好每一个科目,这样的话,我们就可以为将来即将面对的挑战做好准备.

『贰』 三分钟幽默演讲稿英文

丈夫：早晨刮刮胡子，感觉年轻了10岁！
妻子：哼！如果真那样，就睡觉前刮。

『叁』 英语三分钟演讲稿幽默

Revenge
An Insurance Agent was trying to ince a Hard Man to Deal With to take out a policy on his house. After listening to him for an hour, while he painted in vivid colours the extreme danger of fire consuming the house, the Hard Man to Deal With said:
"Do you really think it likely that my house will burn down inside the time that policy will run?"
"Certainly," replied the Insurance Agent; "have I not been trying all this time to convince you that I do?"
"Then," said the Hard Man to Deal With, "why are you so anxious to have your Company bet me money that it will not?"
The Agent was silent and thoughtful for a moment; then he drew the other apart into an unfrequented place and whispered in his ear:
"My friend, I will impart to you a dark secret. Years ago the Company betrayed my sweetheart by promise of marriage. Under an assumed name I have wormed myself into its service for revenge; and as there is a heaven above us, I will have its heart's blood!"

『肆』 求一篇幽默的英语演讲稿,不用太长~

Love Your Mother
爱你的母亲
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
"I don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."
Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,
他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"
GOD answered......
上帝回答:
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"当我创造女人的时候,
我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...
I gave her the inner strength
to enre childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,
也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,
甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,
并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,
甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,
她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
因为这些种种的困难，
我也同样赐她流下眼泪，
这是当她在需要时可以使用的，
这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．
当你看到她哭泣的时候，
告诉她你有多么地爱她，
告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，
即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，
但你会使她的心里得到安慰．

She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．
But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．
每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．

Love your Mother Always
永远爱你的母亲，
and keep her Smiling
并且使她微笑常在

全部人工翻译
献给我的母亲

『伍』 三分钟幽默演讲稿英语

三 Expensive Price

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂贵的代价

牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元专。

母亲属：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？

牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

『陆』 2分钟英语演讲稿幽默

提供一个英文版本的
If There Were No After Life
Whether there’ afterlife, the answer has never been the same. The atheists deny after life, believing that our life is no more than from the cradle to the grave. They may care about their illustrious names after death; they may feel attached to the affection of their offspring, but they never lay their hopes on their afterlife. They may also say that good will be rewarded with good, and evil with evil, but they don’t really believe any retribution in their after life.

However, in the religious world or among the superstitious people, the belief in afterlife is very popular. They do not only believe in afterlife, but thousands of reincarnations as well. In the mysterious world, there are the paradise and the hell, the celestial beings and the gods, the Buddha and the Bodhisattvas.

『柒』 求一篇一分钟的英文演讲稿，要求越简单越好，贴近生活，最好幽默点．

不知你是否喜欢我写的这篇”我爱姚明”演讲?
I
love
Yao
Ming.
Boys
and
girls,
Look
at
me!
Boys
and
girls!
Listen
up!
This
is
my
idol.(你可以举一张姚明的画象)
Cause
he
is
a
role
model.
His
name
is
Yao
Ming.
Can
you
repeat
after
me?
Yao
Ming!
And
this
is
his
number
(11)(你伸出两个手指做胜利的手势)
Can
you
repeat
after
me?
Eleven,
eleven!
Eleven
means
victory!
Yao
Ming
is
a
sportsman!
Yao
Ming
is
a
superman!
He
is
super.
He
is
a
dream
catcher!
His
dream
has
come
true.
He
is
playing
in
NBA.
I
have
no
doubt
he
has
bigger
dreams
in
his
mind.
To
get
a
NBA
champion
ring!
I
pray
for
him!
I
hooray
for
him!
I
love
my
idol
and
my
idol
loves
me!
Boys
and
girls,
hooray
for
Yao
Ming!
Boys
and
girls,
thank
you
for
listening.

『捌』 求一篇英语幽默演讲稿，中英文互译的，5分钟左右

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ Oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. ”
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. ”
“ Yes, here it is, young man. ”
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
“ Does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.
“ Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. ”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。
上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”
“我有，给你，年轻人。”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。
“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。”

『玖』 英语幽默的演讲稿怎么写

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, “ Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. ”
“ Oh, sorry, ” the owner said, “ I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. ”
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, “ Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. ”
“ Yes, here it is, young man. ”
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
“ Does it ring on time? ” he asked the old man.
“ Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. ”
一只闹钟
一个年轻人到一个山村去度假。那天夜里，他住宿在火车站附近的一个旅馆里。
上床睡之前，他对旅馆老板——一个老头儿说：“对不起，先生，请问您能在五点差一刻叫醒我吗？我明天早晨要乘五点的火车。”
“哦，很抱歉”，旅馆老板说，“恐怕不行，我不可能起那么早。”
年轻人正想回到房间去，又停住了问：“那你有闹钟吗？或许它能帮助我。”
“我有，给你，年轻人。”
年轻人很高兴地拿了闹钟，谢了老头儿。但当他仔细查看了闹钟后，发现似乎有毛病。
“它能准时闹吗？”他问老头儿。
“那当然！时间一到，你摇一摇，他就会响的。”