搞笑的英语谚语
『壹』 明天英语演讲，希望找一些比较常用并且搞笑的英语谚语或俗语，嗯~本人高三，最好要整理好噢~~~有报酬
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后都有一个女人，每个不成功男人的背后都有两个女人。
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，毕竟幸福不是永久的嘛。
The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都不结婚，但一旦结了婚很难再聪明起来。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，它会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片，需要暗房来冲洗（发展）。
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
有梦想才有未来,所以去睡觉吧。
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
"Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? "
努力工作不会导致死亡! 不过我不会用自己去证明。
"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
工作好有意思啊！尤其是看着别人工作。
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给你留了余地。
When two's company, three's the result!
男女搭配，必有后辈！
A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动，但并不妨碍你尽情观看。
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多,知道的越多； 知道的越多，忘记的越多；忘记的越多，知道的越少：那还学什么劲儿？
『贰』 求几则关于幽默的名人名言，中英文 不是要幽默的，是要关于幽默的。
幽默是真正的民主（罗·安·约翰逊）
●自由产生诙谐，诙谐也产生自由（让·保尔·里希特）
●幽默是生活波涛中的救生圈（拉布）
●幽默乃是尊严的肯定，又是对人类超然物外的胸襟之明证（罗曼尼·葛瑞）
●幽默是绝不肯正经其事的荒谬感（乌锡尔）
●幽默是藏身于笑话之后的严肃（约·韦斯）
●幽默带来悟力和宽容，冷嘲则带来深刻而不友善的理解（阿格尼斯·雷普利尔）
●总有人注定要因某个玩笑而受苦（赫兹里特）
●幽默与严肃互为验石，因为不愿接受善意的玩笑，其中必有疑处，而经不住审度的玩笑也一定是智慧（高尔克亚）
●幽默是表明工人对自己事业具有信心并且表明自己占着优势的标志（恩格斯）
●探求如何在一切事物前发出笑声和从一切事物中寻找出可笑之处，这两者之间存在着天渊之别（舍夫茨别利）
●任何虚假的庄严，都会在幽默面前被剥去伪状（维吾尔族）
●幽默可谓对生活不调合部分善意的考虑以及艺术的表现……而幽默的根本则是人性善良的一面（英·李卡克）
●幽默是多么艳丽的服饰，又是何等忠诚的卫士！它永远胜过诗人和作家的智慧；它本身就是才华，它能杜绝愚昧（司各特）
●可以说，诙谐幽默是人们在社交场上所穿的最漂亮的服饰（萨克雷）
●幽默被公正地誉为最佳诗才（托·卡莱尔）
●缺乏幽默感的人不能算是很完善的人（柯勒律治）
●你可以假装严肃，却无法假装诙谐（萨夏·吉特里）
●无稽之谈比非凡的机智更能使我们发出笑声，因为无稽之谈更适合于我们，更符合我们的天性（德·瓦卢瓦）
『叁』 谁有英语幽默短文，小故事，名人名言
1·英语幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
2· 英语小故事——A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
"I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.
"You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
"She is the one who sells the candy.”
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
2、小学生英语小故事——The Hippo and I
A hippo lives in the zoo. I like him very much. I often go to see him. He often thinks of me, too. Today is Sunday. It is fine today. I go to see him again. After I leave the zoo, he follows me to my house. I give him lettuce, cabbages, bananas, apples and other food. He eats them up. When I sing songs, he stays in the pool. He is as quiet as a rabbit.
In the evening, he jumps onto my bed with me. My mum tells him to go home. He has to pack his bag and go back to the zoo. My mum lets me see him every week.
河马住在动物园里，我很喜欢他。他经常去看它，他也经常想我。
今天是星期日，是个好天气，我又一次去看望它。在我离开动物园之后，他跟随到我的家。我给他莴苣、生菜、香蕉、苹果和其他食物。他都吃了。
当我唱歌是，它待在水池里，像兔子一样安静。
晚上，他跳到床上同我睡觉在一起睡。
妈妈要它回家。它不得不背起包回到动物园。妈妈允许我每周去看它。
3·英语励志名人名言
1、All things in their being are good for something.
天生我才必有用。
2、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.
困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
3、Failure is the mother of success.——Thomas Paine
失败乃成功之母。
4、For man is man and master of his fate.
人就是人，是自己命运的主人。
5、The unexamined life is not worth living.——Socrates
混混噩噩的生活不值得过。——苏格拉底
6、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew.——Erasmus
只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
7、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness.——R.M. Nixon
命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉 悦地把握命运。——尼克松
8、Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.——John Ruskin
生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
9、What makes life dreary is the want of motive.——George Eliot
没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。——乔治·埃略特
10、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.——Lincoln
卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
11、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power.——Balzac
没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。——巴尔扎克
12、The good seaman is known in bad weather.
惊涛骇浪，方显英雄本色。（励志名言）
13、Fear not that the life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.——J.H. Newman
不要害怕你的生活将要结束，应该担心你的生活永远不会真正开始。——纽曼
14、Gods determine what you're going to be.——Julius Erving
人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。——欧文
15、An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.——Robert Louis Stevenson
生活的目标，是唯一值得寻找的财富。-- 史蒂文森
16、While there is life there is hope.
一息若存，希望不灭。——英国谚语
17、Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.——A. Einstein
不要为成功而努力，要为做一个有价值的人而努力。——爱因斯坦
18、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success.——Charles Chaplin
人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。——卓别林
19、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.
不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。
20、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.——Mattin Luther King
我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。——马丁·路德·金
21、Energy and persistence conquer all things.——Benjamin Franklin
能量加毅力可以征服一切。——富兰克林
22、Nothing seek, nothing find.
无所求则无所获。
23、Cease to struggle and you cease to live.——Thomas Carlyle
生命不止，奋斗不息。——卡莱尔
24、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.
千里之行，始于足下。
『肆』 搞笑英语小说和英语谚语
Reading enriches the mind.开卷有益。
Reading is to the mind while exercise to the body.读书健脑，运动强身。
Respect yourself, or no one else will respect you.要人尊敬，必须自重。
Rome is not built in a day.冰冻三尺，非一日之寒。
Saying is one thing and doing another.言行不一。
Seeing is believing.眼见为实。
Seek the truth from facts.实事求是。
Send a wise man on an errand, and say nothing to him.智者当差，不用交代。
Set a thief to catch a thief.以贼捉贼。
Short accounts make long friends.好朋友勤算账。
Something is better than nothing.聊胜于无。
Soon learn, soon forgotten.学得快，忘得快。
Soon ripe, soon rotten.熟得快，烂得快。
Speech is silver, silence is gold.能言是银，沉默是金。
Still water run deep.静水常深。
Strike the iron while it is hot.趁热打铁。
Success belongs to the persevering.坚持就是胜利。
Take things as they come.既来之，则安之。
Talking mends no holes.空谈无补。
Talk of the devil and he will appear.说曹操，曹操就到。
Tall trees catch much wind.树大招风。
Teach others by your example.躬亲示范。
The best hearts are always the bravest.无私者无畏。
The best man stumbles.伟人也有犯错时。
The cat shuts its eyes when stealing.掩耳盗铃。
The danger past and God forgotten.过河拆桥。
The darkest hour is nearest the dawn.黎明前的黑暗。
The darkest place is under the candlestick.烛台底下最暗。
The devil knows many things because he is old.老马识途。
The devil sometimes speaks the truth.魔鬼有时也会说真话。
The die is cast.木已成舟。
The early bird catches the worm.早起的鸟儿有虫吃。
The end justifies the means.只要目的正当，可以不择手段。
The end makes all equal.死亡面前，人人平等。
The eye is bigger than the belly.贪多嚼不烂。
The farthest way about is the nearest way home.抄近路反而绕远路。
The finest diamond must be cut.玉不琢，不成器。
The fire is the test of gold, adversity of strong man.烈火验真金，艰难磨意志。
The first step is the only difficulty.迈出第一步是最艰难的。
The fox knew too much, that's how he lost his tail.机关算尽太聪明，反误了卿卿性命。
The fox preys farthest from home.兔子不吃窝边草。
The frog in the well knows nothing of the great ocean.坐井观天。
The grass is greener on the other side.这山望着那山高。
The greatest talkers are always least doers.语言的巨人总是行动的矮子。
The higher up, the greater the fall.爬得高，摔得惨。
The leopard cannot change its spots.本性难移。 The more noble, the more humble.人越高尚，越谦虚。
The more wit, the less courage.初生牛犊不怕虎。
The outsider sees the most of the game.旁观者清。
The pen is mightier than the sword.笔能杀人。
The pot calls the kettle black.五十步笑百步。
There are spots in the sun.太阳也有黑点。
There are two sides to every question.问题皆有两面。
There is a skeleton in the cupboard.家家有本难念的经。
There is kindness to be found everywhere.人间处处有温情。
There is no general rule without some exception.任何法规均有例外。
There is no medicine against death.没有长生不老药。
There is no place like home.金窝银窝不如咱的狗窝。
There is no royal road to learning.书山有路勤为径，学海无涯苦作舟。
The style is the man.字如其人。
The tongue is not steel, yet it cuts.人言可畏。
The water that bears the boat is the same that swallows it up.水能载舟，亦能覆舟。
The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all.清者自清，浊者自浊。
The wolf has a winning game when the shepherds quarrel.螳螂捕蝉，黄雀在后。
The world is a ladder for some to go up and others to go down.世界如阶梯，有人上有人下。
The world is but a little place, after all.海内存知己，天涯若比邻。
Think twice before you do.三思而后行。
Things at the worst will mend.否极泰来。
Time and tide wait for no man.时不我待。
Time cures all things.时间是医治一切创伤的良药。
Time flies.光阴似箭。
Time is money.时间就是金钱。
Time lost cannot be won again.时光流逝，不可复得。
Time past cannot be called back again.时间不能倒流。
Time tries all.路遥知马力，日久见人心。
Tit for tat is fair play.人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我必犯人。
To err is human.人非圣贤，孰能无过。
To know everything is to know nothing.什么都知道，一如什么都不知道。
To know oneself is true progress.人贵有自知之明。
Tomorrow never comes.我生待明日，万事成蹉跎。
Too much familiarity breeds contempt.过分熟悉会使人互不服气。
Too much knowledge makes the head bald.学问太多催人老。
Too much liberty spills all.自由放任，一事无成。
Too much praise is a burden.过多夸奖，反成负担。
To save time is to lengthen life.节约时间就是延长生命。
Touch pitch, and you will be defiled.常在河边走，哪有不湿鞋。
Troubles never come singly.福无双至，祸不单行。
Truth never grows old.真理永存。
Turn over a new leaf.洗心革面，改过自新。
Two dogs strive for a bone, and a third runs away with it.鹬蚌相争，渔翁得利。
Two heads are better than one.一个好汉三个帮。
Two of a trade seldom agree.同行是冤家。
Two wrongs do not make a right.别人错了，不等于你对了。
Unity is strength.团结就是力量。
Unpleasant advice is a good medicine.忠言逆耳利于行。
Until all is over one's ambition never dies.不到黄河心不死。
Venture a small fish to catch a great one.吃小亏占大便宜。
Virtue is fairer far than beauty.美德远远胜过美貌。
Walls have ears.小心隔墙有耳。
Wash your dirty linen at home.家丑不可外扬。
Water dropping day by day wears the hardest rock away.滴水穿石。
Wealth is nothing without health.失去健康，钱再多也没用。
We know not what is good until we have lost it.好东西，失去了才明白。
Well begun is half done.好的开始，是成功的一半。
We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.井干方知水可贵。
We shall never have friends if we expect to find them without fault.欲求完美无缺的朋友必然成为孤家寡人。
We should never remember the benefits we have offered nor forget the favor received.自己的好事别去提，别人的恩惠要铭记。
Wet behind the ears.乳臭未干。
Whatever you do, do with all your might.不管做什么，都要一心一意。
What is learned in the cradle is carried to the grave.儿时所学，终生难忘。
What's done cannot be undone.生米煮成熟饭了。
What's lost is lost.失者不可复得。
What we do willingly is easy.愿者不难。
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.入国问禁，入乡随俗。
When everybody's somebody then nobody's anybody.人人都伟大，世间没豪杰。
When sorrow is asleep, wake it not.伤心旧事别重提。
When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.新仇旧恨，齐上心头。
When the fox preaches, take care of your geese.黄鼠狼给鸡拜年，没安好心。
When wine is in truth, wit is out.酒后吐真言。
Where there is a will, there is a way.有志者事竟成。
Where there is life, there is hope.留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。
Where there is smoke, there is fire.事出有因。
While the priest climbs a post, the devil climbs ten.道高一尺，魔高一丈。
Who chatters to you, will chatter of you.搬弄口舌者必是小人。
Whom the gods love die young.好人不长命。
Wise man have their mouths in their hearts, fools have their hearts in their mouths.智者嘴在心里，愚者心在嘴里。
Work makes the workman.勤工出巧匠。
You cannot burn the candle at both ends.蜡烛不能两头点，精力不可过分耗。
You cannot eat your cake and have it.鱼与熊掌，不可得兼。
You can take a horse to the water but you cannot make him drink.强扭的瓜不甜。
You may know by a handful the whole sack.由一斑可知全貌。
You never know what you can till you try.是驴子是马，拉出来遛遛。 检举 回答人的补充 2009-08-10 14:49 There is no royal road to learning. 学习没有捷径While the prospects are bright, the road has twists and turns.前途是光明的，道路是曲折的。Man proposes, but God disposes.谋事在人，成事在天。Whatever you do, do with all your might.不管做什么，都要一心一意 Genius is nothing but labor and diligence. 天才不过是勤奋而已。
What is learned in the cradle is carried to the grave.儿时所学，终生难忘。A man becomes learned by asking questions. 不耻下问才能有学问。
All things are difficult before they are easy. 凡事总是由难而易。
Care and diligence bring luck. 谨慎和勤奋才能抓住机遇。
Confidence in yourself is the first step on the road to success. 自信是走向成功的第一步。
Custom makes all things easy. 有个好习惯，事事皆不难。
Doing is better than saying. 与其挂在嘴上，不如落实在行动上。
Do nothing by halves. 凡事不可半途而废。
Eat to live, but not live to eat. 人吃饭是为了活着，但活着不是为了吃饭。
Every man has his faults. 金无足赤，人无完人。
Every man is the architect of his own fortune. 自己的命运自己掌握。
Every minute counts. 分秒必争。
No cross, no crown. 不经历风雨，怎么见彩虹。
No pleasure without pain. 没有苦就没有乐。
No pains, no gains. 没有付出就没有收获。
No rose without a thorn. 没有不带刺的玫瑰。
One eyewitness is better than ten hearsays. 百闻不如一见。
Observation is the best teacher. 观察是最好的老师。
Nothing is difficult to the man who will try. 世上无难事，只要肯登攀。
『伍』 麻烦好友们给我找一篇好幽默，英文的，大约60—100个单词。或找两条英文的名言谚语，别太长，谢谢！
I'm Glad
A teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making
others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you
ever made someone else glad?"
"Teacher,"said a small boy,"I made someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
" I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three
hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she
said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
我很高兴
一个老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’”
Every dog has its day.
指富贵无常，凡人皆有得意的时候。
（一个潦倒的人，以前也可能风光过，做人要厚道，不能看低别人。）
活学活用：
— love me, love my dog. 爱屋及乌（打狗就是欺主了）
— Don't wake a sleeping dog. 切莫打草惊蛇，不要生事。
— walk the dog everyday. 每日带狗散步。
— dog leash 狗链； dog collar 狗项圈
A good conscience is a soft pillow.
不做亏心事，不怕鬼叫门。
活学活用：
conscience
A clear conscience laughs at false accusation.
[谚] 只要问心无愧， 旁人的指责可一笑置之。
A clear conscience is a sure card.
[谚] 只要问心无愧， 旁人的指责可一笑置之。
A good conscience is a constant feast.
[谚] 问心无愧， 高枕无忧。
A good conscience is a soft pillow.
[谚] 问心无愧， 高枕无忧。
A guilty conscience is a self -accuser.
[谚]做贼心虚。
A guilty conscience needs no accuser.
[谚]做贼心虚。
A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
[谚]没做亏心事， 不怕鬼叫门。
『陆』 为什么很多人喜欢福原爱
福原爱虽然是土生土长的日本姑娘，但是由于被作为日本的专业乒乓球运动员训练开始，就早早的送来了中国学习，而且据说常年都是在咱们东北的谋块基地进行的训练，这也就无形当中成就了她“萌萌哒”的东北味儿普通话，还有一段跨过的姻缘。
当然，这还不是我们最喜欢她的地方。我最喜欢的是，她像正常小女生一样的表现。就好比说我们的“大魔王”张怡宁对阵日本选手福原爱的时候，最经典的一幕就是咱们这边儿的教练，在休息的时候让张怡宁让她两个球儿，结果张怡宁说：“让了，但是她打不着。”是啊，可能是咱们张怡宁打得太666666了，于是乎让的球还是没能让单纯的福原爱好受一点儿，然后就看到福原爱在比赛之后又哭了。
还有一个比较逗的事情是说，中国首富王健林先生的儿子王思聪，有一次在微博上面夸赞福原爱很可爱的时候，就被有心的媒体记录下来并且拿去问了福原爱本尊，福原爱先是很礼貌的表示了谢谢，而后又很可爱的问这个人是谁等等。是的，就是这样简单、可爱的福原爱，让我们对于充满了深仇大恨的国家日本平添了几丝的好感，也是由于福原爱那东北味十足的超顺溜儿普通话也让我们对于她而言看到了亲切，还有她对于未婚夫（现在的老公）萌萌哒的表现和对于中国文化的推崇，也让我们更多的人认识了她，并且喜欢上了这位来自日本的姑娘，现在正宗的中国媳妇儿。
『柒』 英语谚语搞笑翻译
when pig can fly
当猪会飞的时候
意思是：猴年马月