英文笑话网站

A. 有谁知道有什么英语小短文、小笑话或者小故事的网站

http://www.wenzhang.com/wenzhang/gaoxiaowenzhang/

B. 请提供几个经典的英文笑话！

1.Henry and Mary had just got married, and everybody was enjoying their wedding party. There was plenty to eat and plenty to drink, and everybody was getting very merry, when a very thin, very young man came into the room. He looked at Mary sadly and accusingly, walked slowly towards her, kissed her lovingly and said, 'Why did you do it?'
Then he walked to the door and disappeared.
Nobody had ever seen the young man before--not even Mary.
2.Some of Nasreddin's old friends were talking about the young people in their town. They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people. Then one of the old men said, 'But young men are stronger than old men.'
All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin. He said, 'No. I am as strong now as when I was a young man.'
'What do you mean?' said his friends. 'How is that possible? Explain yourself!'
'Well,' said Nasreddin, 'in one corner of my field there is a rock. When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn't because I was not strong enough. I am an old man now, and when I try to move it ,I still cannot.'

One day a beautiful young lady went to a famous artist and said, 'I want you to paint a picture of me. How much will it cost?'
'Five hundred pounds,' said the artist.
'Oh?' said the lady. 'That is a lot of money.' Then she thought that, as she had a very beautiful body, the artist might be happy to paint her picture more cheaply if she wore no clothes while he was painting it. So she said, 'And how much will it cost if you paint me without any clothes on?'
The artist thought for a moment. 'One thousand pounds,' he then said. 'But I shall have to keep my socks on, because my feet get cold; and I shall have to wear something to put my brushes in.'
A Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. /when the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREAST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S.SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

4.AN APPOINTMENT

A man called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I am sorry,"
said the receptioist,"we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment."
The Irishman and the Boot-maker

An Irishman once sent for a boot-maker, and gave orders for a pair of boots. When his measure was taken, he told him that, as one of his legs was bigger than the other, the boots must be made accordingly. As soon as they were sent home, he put the big boot on the small leg, and after trying in vain the small boot on the big leg. He fell into a great passion, and wrote to the poor boot-maker the following letter: "Oh! You thief! I ordered you to make one boot bigger than the other, but instead of that, you have made me one smaller than the other!"

6

Ali,who was working a long way from home,wanted to send a letter to his wife ,but he could neither read nor write,and he had to work all day,so he could only look for somebody to write his letter late at night. At last he found the house of a letter-writer whose name was Nasreddin.
Nasreddin was already in bed. 'It is late,' he said. 'What do you want?' 'I want you to write a letter to my wife,' said Ali. Nasreddin was not pleased. He thought for a few seconds and then said, 'Has the letter got to go far?'
'What does that matter?' answered Ali.
'Well, my writing is so strange that only I can read it , and if I have to travel a long way to read your letter to your wife , it will cost you a lot of money.'
Ali went away quickly.

7
.
An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'

8

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
'How old are you?' he said.
'Eighteen, sir,' said John.
'But your brother was eighteen, too,' said the doctor. 'Are you twins?'
'Oh, no sir,' said John, and his face went red. 'My brother is five months older than I am.'

9

A judge was working in his room one day when a neighbour ran in and said, 'If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?'
'It depends,' answered the judge.
'Well,' said the man, 'your cow has killed mine.'
'Oh,' answered the judge. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a man, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either.'
'I am sorry, Judge,' said the man. 'I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours.'
The judge thought for a few seconds and then said, 'When I think it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first.' And then he turned to his clerk and said, 'Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you.'

10

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.
One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip, so his father said, 'That sack is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it!'
His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water. Of course, the flour was lost.
'What have you done, Nasreddin?' his father shouted angrily.
'Well, Father', said Nasreddin, 'this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.'

11

Nasreddin had lost his donkey. He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.
One of his neighbours saw him and said, 'Hullo, Nasreddin. What are you doing?'
'I am looking for my donkey,' answered Nasreddin.
'Don't you know where it is?' asked the neighbour.
'No, I don't.'
'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.'
'Yes, that is quite true,' answered Nasreddin. 'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost. My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there. If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!'

12

One winter Nasreddin had very little money. His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply. He gave his donkey less food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, 'The donkey was used to eating a lot. Now he is quickly getting used to eating less; and soon he will get used to living on almost nothing.'
Each day Nasreddin gave the donkey a little less food, until it was hardly eating anything.
Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died. 'How unlucky I am,' said Nasreddin. 'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.'

C. 英文笑话

wake up
A couple stopped talking to each other after a quarrel. However, the husband was worried about to catch up a meeting early next morning, so he wrote his wife a note:"Please wake me up at 7:00am." The next morning, he was upset to wake up at 8:00. Then he saw a note at his bedside:"Wake up you stupid! It's 7:20 now."

起床啦
一对夫妇吵架了，谁也不和对方说话。 第二天，丈夫因为一大早要去开会，所以希望太太早上能叫醒他。但是他又不愿意先说话，于是就拿了一张纸条给太太，上面写道：“明天早上七点叫我起床”第二天早上，丈夫起床的时候已经八点了，他又急又气，突然发现一张纸条放在床头上，上面写道：“死鬼！七点二十了。快起床。”

Grandson
A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:
"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."
Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."
The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"
The waiter replied with ease:"Nobody. Just your grandfather."

做孙子
一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一进饭店就大声嚷嚷：
“喂，有什么好菜尽管端上来，钱多少我不在乎。”
服务员听了很不是滋味：“哥儿们，钱多顶个屁，你不照样得做别人的儿子，就是有人要你做孙子你也不敢不做！”
年青人勃然大怒：“谁敢占老子的便宜？你说，是谁不要命了，胆敢要老子做他的孙子？”
服务员慢条斯理地答道：“你爷爷！”

Class, Lass and Ass

Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow."
A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。

一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，将意思变为“汤姆教授明天将和情妇见面”。教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass”中的“l”擦掉，将意思改为“汤姆教授明天将和蠢驴见面”。看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。

A Careless Barber

Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?

Customer: No.

Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.

粗心的理发员

理发员：你进来时是不是系着红围巾？

顾客：没有呀。

理发员：噢，那我肯定弄破了你的喉咙。

roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."

烤乳猪
一位先生去赴宴迟到了，匆忙入座后，发现自己的座位正对着乳猪，于是大为高兴的说：“还不错，我坐在乳猪的旁边。”这时才发现身旁的一位胖女士正怒目相视，他忙陪笑改口到：“对不起，我说的是那只烤好的。”

兄弟，就这些了！！！！！！

D. 英文笑话

新老师抄
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。
“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

E. 英文笑话

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

F. 英文笑话(急需)

An impoverished graate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?"

"It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.

"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”

“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。

“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？”

G. 英文笑话

1.Henry and Mary had just got married, and everybody was enjoying their wedding party. There was plenty to eat and plenty to drink, and everybody was getting very merry, when a very thin, very young man came into the room. He looked at Mary sadly and accusingly, walked slowly towards her, kissed her lovingly and said, 'Why did you do it?'
Then he walked to the door and disappeared.
Nobody had ever seen the young man before--not even Mary.
2.Some of Nasreddin's old friends were talking about the young people in their town. They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people. Then one of the old men said, 'But young men are stronger than old men.'
All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin. He said, 'No. I am as strong now as when I was a young man.'
'What do you mean?' said his friends. 'How is that possible? Explain yourself!'
'Well,' said Nasreddin, 'in one corner of my field there is a rock. When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn't because I was not strong enough. I am an old man now, and when I try to move it ,I still cannot.'

One day a beautiful young lady went to a famous artist and said, 'I want you to paint a picture of me. How much will it cost?'
'Five hundred pounds,' said the artist.
'Oh?' said the lady. 'That is a lot of money.' Then she thought that, as she had a very beautiful body, the artist might be happy to paint her picture more cheaply if she wore no clothes while he was painting it. So she said, 'And how much will it cost if you paint me without any clothes on?'
The artist thought for a moment. 'One thousand pounds,' he then said. 'But I shall have to keep my socks on, because my feet get cold; and I shall have to wear something to put my brushes in.'
A Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. /when the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREAST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S.SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

4.AN APPOINTMENT

A man called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I am sorry,"
said the receptioist,"we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment."
The Irishman and the Boot-maker

An Irishman once sent for a boot-maker, and gave orders for a pair of boots. When his measure was taken, he told him that, as one of his legs was bigger than the other, the boots must be made accordingly. As soon as they were sent home, he put the big boot on the small leg, and after trying in vain the small boot on the big leg. He fell into a great passion, and wrote to the poor boot-maker the following letter: "Oh! You thief! I ordered you to make one boot bigger than the other, but instead of that, you have made me one smaller than the other!"

6

Ali,who was working a long way from home,wanted to send a letter to his wife ,but he could neither read nor write,and he had to work all day,so he could only look for somebody to write his letter late at night. At last he found the house of a letter-writer whose name was Nasreddin.
Nasreddin was already in bed. 'It is late,' he said. 'What do you want?' 'I want you to write a letter to my wife,' said Ali. Nasreddin was not pleased. He thought for a few seconds and then said, 'Has the letter got to go far?'
'What does that matter?' answered Ali.
'Well, my writing is so strange that only I can read it , and if I have to travel a long way to read your letter to your wife , it will cost you a lot of money.'
Ali went away quickly.

7
.
An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'

8

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
'How old are you?' he said.
'Eighteen, sir,' said John.
'But your brother was eighteen, too,' said the doctor. 'Are you twins?'
'Oh, no sir,' said John, and his face went red. 'My brother is five months older than I am.'

9

A judge was working in his room one day when a neighbour ran in and said, 'If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?'
'It depends,' answered the judge.
'Well,' said the man, 'your cow has killed mine.'
'Oh,' answered the judge. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a man, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either.'
'I am sorry, Judge,' said the man. 'I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours.'
The judge thought for a few seconds and then said, 'When I think it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first.' And then he turned to his clerk and said, 'Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you.'

10

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.
One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip, so his father said, 'That sack is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it!'
His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water. Of course, the flour was lost.
'What have you done, Nasreddin?' his father shouted angrily.
'Well, Father', said Nasreddin, 'this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.'

11

Nasreddin had lost his donkey. He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.
One of his neighbours saw him and said, 'Hullo, Nasreddin. What are you doing?'
'I am looking for my donkey,' answered Nasreddin.
'Don't you know where it is?' asked the neighbour.
'No, I don't.'
'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.'
'Yes, that is quite true,' answered Nasreddin. 'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost. My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there. If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!'

12

One winter Nasreddin had very little money. His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply. He gave his donkey less food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, 'The donkey was used to eating a lot. Now he is quickly getting used to eating less; and soon he will get used to living on almost nothing.'
Each day Nasreddin gave the donkey a little less food, until it was hardly eating anything.
Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died. 'How unlucky I am,' said Nasreddin. 'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.'

H. 寻找英文笑话！！！

A
mother
mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A
mother
mouse
was
out
for
a
stroll
with
her
babies
when
she
spotted
a
cat
crouched
behind
a
bush.
She
watched
the
cat,
and
the
cat
watched
the
mice.

Mother
mouse
barked
fiercely,
"Woof,
woof,
woof!"
The
cat
was
so
terrified
that
it
ran
for
it's
life.

Mother
mouse
turned
to
her
babies
and
said,
"Now,
do
you
understand
the
value
of
a
second
language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，回突然她看见一只猫正答在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

I. 我想要英文笑话的网站，最好每天更新

http://www.jokesgallery.com ★★★★★
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke48.htm ★★★
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml★★★★

但外国人的笑话你不见得会笑

J. 英文笑话

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
One old person complained to the doctor that his right ear was giving him trouble; he couldn't hear.
So the doctor checked, checked, checked, listened, listened and said, "Oh, you know your ear trouble is an old age problem? Your ear is getting old, that's all.That's why you can't hear."So the patient said, "Nonsense, the left ear is just as old.

中文：
有个老人向医生抱怨右耳有问题，听不见。
医生检查又检查、听了又听，然后说：「哦！你知道吗？你耳朵有毛病是因为年老的关系，你的右耳已经老化了，所以才听不到。」
病人说：「胡说！我的左耳也一样老呀！」