英语笑话对话
㈠ 英语二人幽默对话
One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票).
“How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor.
“Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.”
“Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.”
“Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”
参考资料： http://www.sowerclub.com/ViewTopic.php?id=138159
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
㈡ 英语幽默小对话
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl¡
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why¡ What did he do to you¡
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, thats what he did.
Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
2:
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了。
㈢ 英语搞笑对白
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
㈣ 简单搞笑的英语对话
你选选吧
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
㈤ 英语对话笑话
(This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a
bit in a Pink Panther movie).
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the
shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
Submitted by Rick Bell
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There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put
up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign
which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said
"The Best Restaurant on this Block."
Submitted by Jim J. Johnson
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A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks
down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the
engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he
needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins
to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is
still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and
look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the
first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to
the cinema now."
(Present continuous / just for fun)
Submitted by Jeremy Hookway
________________________________________
One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of
the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and
immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy,
although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be
disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor
told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The prof said, "No and I don't care."
The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?"
The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests,
placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
"Good" the student said, and walked out. He passed.
Submitted by Mary Cobb Neighbors
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A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what
was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't
say
things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Submitted by Abu Ablaziz (Kuwait)
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James was walking down the road one morning when he met his friend Danny.
"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none
on the other. Did you know?"
"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."
"The Weather forecast?"
"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might
be fine but on the other hand there might be some rain."
(Cantonese students have problems with "on the other hand" because there
is a similar expression in Cantonese that means "in addition". This joke
helps highlight the contrast implied.)
Submitted by Dick Tibbetts, Macau
________________________________________
This worked fine with my level 200a on up.
A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor
and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot
mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it
became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the
bird's bad words embarrassed him very much.
As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot,"That
language must stop!". But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the
bird and shouted again, "Don't use those ugly words!" Again the bird
cursed him.
Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the
refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator,the
parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again
the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the
door of the freezer , threw the bird into it, and closed the door.
This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door
and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up
the man's arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very
frightened:
"I'll be good, I promise...Those chickens in there.. what did they say?"
Submitted by Peggy Datz
________________________________________
I think this joke is funny and so far, all of my intermediate to advanced
ESL classes have agreed with me.
A ck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender says "What can I get you?"
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd):
No, I'm afraid we don't.
And the ck waddles slowly out of the bar.
The next day at the same time, the ck waddles into the bar, hops up on a
bar stool.
Bartender: Hi. What can I get for you?
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (a little annoyed): Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look
buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?
The ck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.
The next day, at the same time, the bartender is cleaning some glasses
when he hears a familiar voice
Duck: Umm.. Do you have any grapes?
The bartender is really ticked off.
Bartender: Look. What's your problem? You came in here yesterday asking
for grapes, I TOLD you, WE DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! Next time I see your
little cktail waddle in here I'm going to nail those little webbed feet
of yours to the floor. GOT me pal?
And the ck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.
The NEXT day at the same time, the ck waddles into the bar, walks up to
the bartender and the bartender says,
"What the heck do YOU want?"
Umm. do you have any nails?
What!? OF course not.
Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?
----
I taught my students waddle, webbed feet but you could teach What the heck
do you want, pal, barkeep, bartender, etc
It is also good to review "any"
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A man's dog has a problem so he takes him to the vet's. The vet looks at
the dog and says that he'll have to take him to the examining room. In the
examining room, he takes a cat out of a cage and lets the cat walk all
over the dog, but the dog doesn't do anything.
The doctor say "Your dog is dead."
The man goes out to the receptionist and asks for his bill.
"That'll be $325" says the receptionist.
"What! $325? How's that possible?"
"It's $25 for the consultation, and $300 for the Cat scan."
NOTE: The students might not recognise the word CAT scan.
Submitted by Christine MacBrien (as told to her by her brother Dave in
Toronto
________________________________________
The two beginning ESL students went to Honolulu on holiday. Soon they
began to argue about the correct way to pronounce the word "Hawaii." One
student insisted that it's Hawaii, with a "w" sound. The other student
said it was pronounced like "Havaii," with a "v" sound.
Finally, they saw an old native on the beach, and asked him which was
correct. The old man said it's "Havaii." The student who was right was
very happy, and thanked the old man.
The old man said "you're velcome."
Submitted by: Brian Madden
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Every day, an ESL teacher was seen coming out of the rest room with a
marker, used for writing. In the rest room were expressions and graffitti
written on the walls. It was very bad. Finally, the Director of the school
called the teacher into the office and told the teacher that it was
terrible of him to write those things on the walls. The teacher said that
he was not the one writing those things. All that the teacher did was to
correct the grammar.
Submitted by: Brian Madden
________________________________________
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had
chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs
died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
________________________________________
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged
chicken. He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the
chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph. The man tried to
catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a
farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the
story and the man asked for an explanation. The farmer said that he, his
wife and his son all liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.
"What do they taste like?" asked the man.
"I don't know", replied the farmer, "we haven't caught one yet"
Submitted by: Alastair Rice
________________________________________
This one will perhaps only be good for your more advanced students.
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman
refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of
you. Get out!'
The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road
and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he says to one
of the girls, would you tie a knot in me?' This she does. 'Please,' the
piece of string says to the other girl,'would you mind taking your comb
and fluffing out the ends of my string?' so the girl obliges.
'Thank you' says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar
and immediately orders a drink again.
The barman looks at him quizzically and says 'aren't you the piece of
string that was in here a moment ago?'
'No' came the answer, 'I'm a frayed knot.'
Submitted by: Catherine
________________________________________
Three rich brothers each wanted to do something special for their elderly
mother on Mother's Day. The first brother bought her a huge house. The
second brother gave her a limousine, with a driver. The third brother
remembered that his mother used to love to read the Bible, but couldn't
see well anymore, so he got her a specially trained parrot that could
recite any verse from the Bible on demand.
Soon, the brothers received thank-you notes from their mother. The first
son's note said, "The house you bought me is much too big! I only live in
a small part of it, but I have to clean the whole thing!" The second son
got a note that said, "I rarely leave the house anymore, so I hardly use
the limo you gave me. And when I do use it, the driver is so rude!" The
third son's note said, "My darling baby boy, you know just what your
mother loves! The chicken was delicious!"
Teaching Notes: We previewed some of the vocabulary, such as limousine,
trained, delicious, and gave a printed of the joke to the students as
part of a reading activity. We knew they were finished when they started
chuckling. If the reference to the Bible would be inappropriate for your
class, you might adapt the joke by substituting "the classics")
Submitted by: Eve Ross
________________________________________
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very
nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took
the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, "On no! I froze my aunt's bird to death."
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, "I'm sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, "Why the change?"
The bird answered, "Because I saw what you did to the other bird.
(HInt: He saw the frozen chicken.)
Submitted by Erin McCluskey
________________________________________
A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to
live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she
said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell
me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen
cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you
said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm
about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that
secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid. It contained
$100,000 and three eggs.
"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked.
"Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put
an egg in the box."
Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only
three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about
himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $100.000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs
in the box, I ..sold them."
Submitted by Tim Allen, Switzerland
________________________________________
A man goes out of prison after twenty years. He decides to go back to the
neighbourhood where he lived. When he gets there he cannot recognize the
place. Everything has changed a lot. The places he used to visit have all
disappeared. Even the pub has disappeared.He is very tired and would like
to have something to eat. He goes into a small café and has a coffee and a
sandwich.When he takes out his wallet he finds a shoemaker ticket in it.
He then remembers that the last thing he had done before being arrested
was to take a pair of shoes to the shoemaker's. He decides to go there and
try. What a wondeful thing! The shoemaker is still at the same place. He
gets into the shop and tells the shoemaker that about twenty years before
he had left him a pair of shoes to have them repaired. The shoemaker has a
look at the ticket and says: "O.K. Come back tomorrow. They will be ready
then." Some things never change.
Submitted by Christine MAZEAU
________________________________________
I was once told by a Japanese student that this is an old story.
One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were
sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer.
They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they
decided one of them should go out for more beer.
The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this
is your neighborhood so you know where to go."
The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but my hopping will shake up
the beer and we'll get sprayed every time we open one."
So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how
to get to the nearest liquor store.
An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn't returned, so the snail
and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.
They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting
there putting on his shoes.
Submitted by Rodney A. Hoiseth - Roth Corporation
________________________________________
㈥ 英语的小笑话（二人对话的）
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特来向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨自天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
㈦ 英语搞笑对话
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
㈧ 英语情景对话——笑话
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The xxxx!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East
㈨ 急求英语笑话，对话形式的，带翻译，3分钟左右，
Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了
㈩ 英语搞笑小对话
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大专？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……属嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
很简单