英语经典小笑话

⑴ 经典英语冷笑话故事带翻译

He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

⑵ 经典英语小笑话

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked." You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”
“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”

⑶ 收集100条经典英语段子

美国电影学院评选100句经典英文电影台词（节选）

1，Frankly，my dear，I don’t give a damn.
坦白说，亲爱的，我一点也不在乎。（《乱世佳人》1939）
2，I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.
我会给他点好处，他无法拒绝。（《教父》1972）
3， You don’t understand！Icoulda had class.I coulda been a contender.I could’ve been somebody，instead of a bum， which is what I am.
你根本不能明白！我本可以获得社会地位，我本可以是个竞争者，我本可以是任何有头有脸的人而不是一个毫无价值的游民！ （《码头风云》1954）
4，Toto，I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
托托，我想我们再也回不去堪萨斯了。（《绿野仙踪》1939）
5，Here’s looking at you，kid.
就看你的了，孩子。（《卡萨布兰卡》1942）
6，Go ahead，make my day.
来吧，让我也高兴高兴。（《拨云见日》1983）
7，All right，Mr.DeMille，I’m ready for my close－up.
好了，德米勒先生，我已经准备好拍摄我的特写镜头了。（《日落大道》1950）
8，May the Force be with you.
愿原力与你同在。（《星球大战》1977）
9，Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.
系紧你的安全带，这将是一个颠簸的夜晚。（《彗星美人》1950）
10，You talking to me？
你是在和我说话吗？（《出租车司机》1976）
11、原文："Would you be shocked if I changed into something more comfortable?"
出处：琼?哈罗（Jean Harlow），《地狱天使》Hell's Angels，1930
译文："假如我换一身更舒服的衣服你会觉得震惊吗？"
12，I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
我喜欢闻弥漫在清晨空气中的汽油弹味道。（《现代启示录》1979）
13，Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
爱就是永远不必说对不起。（《爱情故事》1970）
14、原文："I could dance with you'til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you came home."
出处：格罗克?马克思（Groucho Marx），《容易事》Duck Soup，1933
译文："我可以和你一起跳舞直到母牛回家。如果再想想，我宁愿和母牛一起跳舞直到你回家。"
15、原文："You talking'to me?"
出处：罗伯特?德尼罗，《出租汽车司机》Taxi Driver，1976
译文："你在跟我说话吗？"
16、原文："Gif me a visky, ginger ale on the side, and don'be stingy, baby."
出处：葛丽泰?嘉宝，《安娜?克里斯蒂》Anna Christie，1930
译文："给我一杯威士忌，里面兑一些姜味汽水。宝贝儿，别太吝啬了。"
17、原文："life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."
出处：汤姆?汉克斯，《阿甘正传》Forrest Gump，1994
译文："生活就像一盒巧克力：你永远不知道你会得到什么。"
18，Made it，Ma！Top of the world！
好好去做吧，站在世界之巅！（《歼匪喋血战》1949）
19，I’m as mad as hell，and I’m not going to take this anymore！
我疯狂得如同地狱中的恶魔，我不会再这样继续下去了！（《电视台风云》1976）
20，Louis，I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
路易斯，我认为这是一段美好友谊的开始。（《卡萨布兰卡》1942）
21、原文："It's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
出处：米·威斯特（Mae West），《我不是天使》I'm No Angel，1933
译文："并不是你生活中的男人有价值，而是你与男人在一起的生活。"
22，Bond.James Bond.
邦德，詹姆士邦德。（《诺博士》1962）
23，There’s no place like home.
没有一个地方可以和家相提并论。（《绿野仙踪》1939）
24，I am big！It’s the pictures that got small.
我是巨大的！是这些照片让我变得渺小了。（《日落大道》1950）
25，Show me the money！
让我看到钱！（《甜心先生》1996）
28，Play it，Sam. Play’As Time Goes By’.
弹这首，山姆，就弹"时光流逝"。（《卡萨布兰卡》1942）
29，You can’t handle the truth！
你不能操纵事实！（《义海雄风》1992）
30，I want to be alone.我想一个人呆着。（《大饭店》1932）
31，After all，tomorrow is another day！
毕竟，明天又是新的一天！（《乱世佳人》1939）
33，I’ll have what she’s having.我会拥有她所拥有的。（《当哈里遇上萨莉》1989）
37，I’ll be back.
我会回来的。（《终结者》1984）
38，Today，I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
现在，我想我是这个世界上最幸运的人。（《扬基的骄傲》1942）
40，Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
妈妈说生活就像一盒巧克力，你永远都不知道你会得到什么。（《阿甘正传》1994）
43，We’ll always have Paris.
我们永远都怀念巴黎（那段美好的时光）。（《卡萨布兰卡》1942）
46，Oh，Jerry，don’t let’s ask for the moon.We have the stars.
噢，杰瑞，不要再乞求能得到月亮了，我们已经拥有星星了。（《扬帆》1942）
48，Well，nobody’s perfect.
人无完人。（《热情似火》1959）
51，You’ve got to ask yourself one question：〃Do I feel lucky？〃Well，do ya，punk？
你应该问你自己一个问题："我是幸运的吗？"快点去做，年轻人，无知的年轻人。（《警探哈里》1971）
52，You had me at〃hello.〃
当你说"你好"的那一刻起就拥有我了。（《甜心先生》1996）
54，There’s no crying in baseball！
在棒球运动中没有哭泣！（《红粉联盟》1992）
56，A boy’s best friend is his mother.
一个男孩最好的朋友是他的母亲。（《惊魂记》1960）
57，Greed，for lack of a better word，is good.
没有比"贪婪"更好的词语了。（《华尔街》1987）
58，Keep your friends close，but your enemies closer.
亲近你的朋友，但更要亲近你的敌人。（《教父II》1974）
59，As God is my witness，I’ll never be hungry again.
上帝为我作证，我不会再让自己挨饿了。（《乱世佳人》1939）
63，Mrs.Robinson，you’re trying to seceme.Aren’t you？
罗宾逊太太，你是在引诱我，对吗？（《毕业生》1967）
67，Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world，she walks into mine.
世界上有那么多的城镇，城镇中有那么多的酒馆，她却走进了我的（酒馆）。（《卡萨布兰卡》1942）
71，Wait a minute，wait a minute.You ain’t heard nothin’yet！
等一会儿，等一会儿。你肯定听到了什么！（《爵士歌手》1927）
75，I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
我总是非常依赖陌生人的仁慈。（《欲望号街车》1951）
83，Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
快点来听！黑夜中孩子的声音是他们缔造的美妙音乐。（《吸血鬼》1931）
94，I feel the need－the need for speed！
我感到一种需要，一种加速的需要！（《壮志凌云》1986）
95，Carpe diem. Seize the day，boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
人生就应该是快乐的，要抓住每一天，孩子们。让你们的生活变得非凡起来。（《死亡诗社》1989）
100，I’m king of the world！我是世界之王！（《泰坦尼克号》1997）

⑷ 3分钟的英语小短文 例如什么小寓言或者笑话,一些经典的英语短文

Ounces of brain for saleA man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study.He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store.He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

⑸ 经典的英文段子

Life is not easy for any of us. We must work,and above all we must believe in ourselves .We must believe that each one of us is able to do something well, and that, when we discover what this something is, we must work hard at it until we succeed

这是居里夫人的话，激励了不专少属人

⑹ 收集经典的全英文笑话

一个醉酒司机和交警的搞笑对话A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What’ s the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I’ m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn’ t know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you’ ve known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I’ m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma’ am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he’s drunk." 还有更多的英语笑话哦 摘自http://www.xhh.cc/xiaohua/yingyuxiaohua/647.html

⑺ 经典英语小笑话

Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand .The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way,sir,"said the deck hand,"it to say nothing about it .If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out,they'd pulled you out ,they'd chuck me in ."
最好的报酬
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。被一名甲板水手救起，这位回军官问如何答才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这么水手说，“是别声张这件事。如果其他人知道我救了你，他们会把我扔下去的。”