英语笑话100篇
1. 英语小笑话带翻译100个
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08
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评论者： YABNV - 魔法学徒 一级
其他回答共 2 条
Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。
“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”
Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(
抄的..
2. 给几篇英语小段文！！（小笑话）
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08
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其他回答共 2 条
Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。
“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
3. 英语小笑话（带翻译）短些
1、Warning
,.
"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.
Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,."Forgotwewerecoming,didn‘tyou?"Iteased.
"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"?"
提醒
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。
但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”
2、GroundRules
.
,hesaid,",
soIdon‘.Ido,however,‘restillrunning."
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，
他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。
不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,
"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"
After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”
4、Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．”
有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”
有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”
5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.
This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.
In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.
我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。
这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的一种良好习惯。为什么？因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。
再者，早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。
4. 英语幽默笑话大全
一、我是单身汉
Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."
杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"护士问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."
二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子：你看这张报纸，据统计，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。
丈夫：那有什么？据我调查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的。
三、位置上的冰激凌
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"请原谅，你占了我的位置."
"你的位置？你能征明这点吗？"
"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."
四、别无选择
One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天，夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗？"
亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗？"
5. 我要英语的小笑话，带翻译的
1. Virtue
Many years after receiving my graate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
2. Difference
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," observed the instructor in one of my graate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
5. Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
6. 一篇英语100字左右的幽默笑话
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement．
A pupil meeting him said：
“Good evening，professor．How are you？
“Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．”
16．心不在焉的老师
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。
一个碰见他的学生说：
“晚安，老师。您怎么了？”
“啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
by Leigh Hunt
I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian．”It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him．
The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：
Master．“Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．”（A common phrase of his．）
Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”）．Missionary Can you see the wind？
（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．）
Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．“Indian No！”
Master．“Zounds，young man！have a care how you provoke me！”
Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing？”
（Here a terrible thump．）
Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it．”
15．诵读课
李·亨特
当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》。课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。
授课即将开始。那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下：
老师：“年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。”（这是他的口头禅。）
学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿。）“传教士你能看见风吗？”
（教师扇了他一耳光。）
学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）“印第安人不能啊！”
教师：“该死！年轻人，小心点别惹我发火！”
学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢？”
（这时来了重重一击。）
学生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因为我感觉到了。”
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today．
“It works like this，” she said．“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance．”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns．“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames．See？Bobby Burns！”
“I see what you mean，” said the class know it all．“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning？”
14．诗人的名字
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。
“这个系统是这样的，”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字——例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗？警察燃烧！”
“我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢？”
Proctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched？Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair？”
Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．”
13．右腿
学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里，浑身湿透？那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢？”
二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。”
Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：“Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject．You seem to lack ambition．Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world．”
“Yes，” said Landon，“he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher．”
12．亚历山大大帝
兰登作了一次不成功的朗诵。老师有点不悦，对他说道：
“兰登，你在这门课上好像进步不大，你好像缺乏志向。亚历山大大帝在你这个年龄可已经征服了半个世界。”
“是啊，”兰登说，“他没法不那样。博士先生，您回想一下史实，亚历山大大帝有亚里士多德做他的老师。”
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today．”
A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”．
Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”．
11．“班”和“笨驴”
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。”
一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。
后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。
Billy and Bobby were small boys．They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other．
Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now．Go out and play in the garden—and be good．”
“Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out．
They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen．“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs．Allen's house．” Mrs．Allen was one of their neighbors．
“He's a bad boy，”his mother said．“How did he break it？”
“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down．”
10．是他的错
比利和波比都是小男孩。他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。
上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”
“是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。
“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的？”
“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。”
Mr．and Mrs．Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat．Now Mrs．Taylor was expecting another child．
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too．
One evening Mr．and Mrs．Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival．“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr．Taylor．
Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered．
“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly．“ He'll follow us there．”
9．新生儿
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。”
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。”
“那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”
7. 要几篇英语短篇笑话，故事，最好有人物对话和旁白，不要太长的100多字就够了.谢谢。
杨科长：发生在一个MA[ 漆 ]黑的夜晚，这个晚上那真是风高月黑。。。
贼：真是伸手……不见票子啊。。。
杨科长：只听见“喀啦啦啦啦啦……”
贼：何该啦？[ 怎么啦？]
杨科长：一个炸雷
贼：吓得我一滚哪
杨科长：只见“唰啦啦啦啦啦。。。”
贼：又该啦？[ 又怎么了？]
杨科长：一道长达七分半的闪电
贼：好无聊的闪电， 这么长！
杨科长：又听见“哗啦啦啦啦啦。。。”
贼：什么动静
杨科长：那是倾盆大雨
贼：呀，正是我下手的好机会
杨科长：远处传来“呜儿呜儿呜儿呜儿。。。”
贼：哎哟，警察来了！
杨科长：哇，是辆救护车
贼：那个开救护车的我警告你啦，我最听不得这个声音了啊 ！
杨科长：院子里传来几声狗叫，“旺旺旺旺。。。。”
贼：这是MU子[ 什么]品种的狗啊~
杨科长：这是我们家养的狼狗。……这几天我老觉得左眼皮在跳，
贼：左眼[ AI ]跳财
杨科长：右眼皮它有时候也跳
贼：右眼[ AI ]跳灾
杨科长：怪就怪在两个眼皮它一块跳 ！
贼：这恐怕是中风的前兆啦！
杨科长：不好，怎么突然停电了
贼：嘻嘻嘻，电线被我剪断了
杨科长：我电话哪去了
贼：电话被我剪断了
杨科长：我的狼狗怎么不叫了
贼：狼狗被我剪断了
杨科长：我得出去看看，
贼：出来我就把你也剪断了
杨科长：不好，今天晚上有情况，我得严加防范（模仿开门声音，开锁、上锁声音），
贼：哼，我盯了他一个多月了。。。。哼，这种防盗锁还是我设计的（模仿开锁声音）
杨科长：（模仿门弹回来的声音）
贼：（被门打到，咳嗽）哎哟，这叫吃了暗亏作不得声喽，（站起，推）这是个弹簧门耶。。。我就不信，（又推）
杨科长：（模仿门弹回来的声音）“嗵。。。”不好，屋子里有动静，（来回挥舞手臂，口中配合发出风声）。。。谁！？。。。（继续来回挥舞手臂）虚惊一场。没人吧！
贼：没人吧，没人吧，没人吧，没人吧。。。
杨科长：我们家多大的房子这么大回声啊
贼：这么大回声啊，这么大回声啊，这么大回声啊，这么大回声啊。。。。
杨科长：我走啦
贼：你走吧，你走吧，你走吧，你走吧，你走吧。。。
我（加重）走啦
贼：你（加重）走吧，你走吧，你走吧，你走吧，你走吧。。。
杨科长：这不活见鬼了吗，（模仿开门声音，开锁、关锁声音）
贼：哼，被我吓跑了，看我给他来个一扫空。。。。碰到墙壁。。。这个人真有钱哪。。。墙壁都是软包的。。。哼。。。不对，这像个保险柜。。。（模仿开密码声音）。。。存折。。。港币。。。美元。。。假票子
杨科长：（配合贼的动作，模仿开保险柜的声音。。。模仿很多金属掉地上的声音）
贼：金条。。。银条。。。铜条。。。油条（把手一挥，扔掉）。。。我后悔呀，我怎么没带个麻袋来的哪，我发个财容易吗，我拿衣服包。。。
杨科长：我把他衣服拿到一边去
贼：。。。我衣服呢。。。是丢在这里的，不可能啊。。。难道有贼呀。。。
杨科长：没贼
贼：没贼，我衣服哪去了
杨科长：你就是贼！（模仿开灯声音）啪！
贼：哎哎哟！哪个开灯啊
杨科长：我开的灯
贼：我剪断了啊
杨科长：我用的是应急灯。哼，你不是盯了我一个月了吗，这回见个面吧。。。哟，就这眼神还偷东西
贼：叔叔。。。
杨科长：嗯？
贼：伯伯。。。
杨科长：叫这个没用
贼：爷爷。。。
杨科长：把我叫老了！
贼：姐夫。。。
杨科长：哎！。。。谁是你姐夫？
贼：我有姐姐一定嫁给你
杨科长：我原来老婆怎么办？
贼：她大房，我是二房
杨科长：什么二房！站好了！
贼：哎
杨科长：立正！稍息。一看就是个老麻雀了。我这有大哥大
贼：哎哟，姐夫哥
杨科长：喂！110吗，我是姐夫，啊！我是杨科长啊
贼：咳，杨大科长
杨科长：我们家来贼了！被我一网打尽了！
贼：哎呀，那么一个贼，什么一网打尽。。。
杨科长：这不是说你！哦，马上就来？越快越好！110马上来，跟警察叔叔交代交代吧
贼：杨大科长
杨科长：嗯
贼：我也是没有办法
杨科长：嗯
贼：我上有十八岁的老母，下有八十岁的儿女
杨科长：你们家乱套了吧
贼：我想当工人吧，我又没手艺
杨科长：哦
贼：当农民吧我又怕累，我摆个槟榔摊子吧还不够我吃
杨科长：你就是好吃懒做
贼：我想开个金器店吧，我又没货
杨科长：那你怎么办哪？
贼：还不是各家各户进点货嘛
杨科长：这就是偷啊！
贼：偷他来得快呀。。。
杨科长：抢银行来得还快
贼：那死得快。。。
杨科长：（模仿开枪声音）嘭！
贼：啊？
杨科长：快点！
贼：啊？
杨科长：把东西给我拿出来！
贼：好好，这六十万的存折。。。你真的有钱哪
杨科长：什么钱。。。
贼：四十八个金戒指
杨科长：呵呵。。。
贼：你拿脚带都带不完
杨科长：我当耳环
贼：六十个金项链。。。你小小个科长，怎么发这么大的冤鬼财哪？
杨科长：发什么财，常在河边走哪有不湿鞋的，既然湿了鞋，我就洗个脚，既然洗个脚，我就洗个澡，越洗越邋遢，干脆一通乱搞。。。。
贼：你是乱搞乱发财的咯
杨科长：发什么财，小小的公仆，老黄牛。。。
贼：你这个牛棚真够大的哈
杨科长：哎？是我审你呢，是你审我？
贼：立正！稍息！一看就是个老麻雀。。。杨大科长！杨大贪污犯！你还跟我罗哩吧嗦，啊？110马上就到了，到时候我揭发你就算我立个功！我让你变成。。。哼哼哼。。。
杨科长：你别忘了你是贼！
贼：你也不是什么好东西！我抓进去过两天就能放出来
杨科长：那我抓进去可就出不来了。。。哎呀，救命啊。。。姐夫
贼：你喊哪个姐夫
杨科长：我喊你作姐夫。。。我有姐姐一定嫁给你
贼：呸！
杨科长：你老吐唾沫，不讲卫生，罚款！我告诉你。
贼：你都老成这样了，你姐姐还怎么嫁给我啦
杨科长：老姐夫老姐夫。。。。求求你，我也就是个小小的芝蔴官，揩点芝麻油，吃点芝麻酱，喝点芝麻糊嘛！我求求你，等会儿警察来了，你别醒我的门子，我也不说你是贼，咱们两下都好，不就完了吗
贼：你什么意思
杨科长：到时候，你就说你是我姐夫。。。
贼：我怎么是你姐夫！
杨科长：那我是你姐夫！
贼：呸！
杨科长：你怎么老乱吐唾沫！罚款！
贼：我是你爹！
杨科长：哪有这么年轻的爹咯！
贼：认贼作父嘛
杨科长：你就说咱俩是双胞胎不就完了吗
贼：我们两个差这么远，怎么会是双胞胎！？
杨科长：警察叔叔，我们俩是那长得不像的怪胎！呵呵呵。。。一家人，一场误会，没事啦！拜拜！
贼：然后呢？
杨科长：警察叔叔就走了
贼：然后呢
杨科长：然后你就走了
贼：再然后呢
杨科长：我就跑了。。。
贼：立正！
杨科长：干什么？
贼：你跑了我怎么办！
杨科长：你。。。的意思。。。
贼：贼不走空
杨科长：啊？
贼：你就各家各户进货
杨科长：嗯？
贼：一九分成
杨科长：好，给你百分之十
贼：你神经吧你，
杨科长：嗯？
贼：我九你一
杨科长：你九我一？
贼：嗯？
杨科长：我辛辛苦苦几十年，让你一偷偷到解放前啦！
贼：你给不给？
杨科长：不给！
贼：不给啊，110哎！
杨科长：哎哎。。。（捂住贼口）。。。一半！
贼：好多？
杨科长：一半！
贼：说的得算，快点拿钱！
杨科长：不行，我给你钱，你照样醒我门子
贼：哎呀，你放心，我是洞庭湖的老麻雀，见过风哪
杨科长：那咱们再练习一遍
贼：怎么练习，你这个人就是麻烦
杨科长：我现在就是警察。你！
贼：啊？
杨科长：干什么的？
贼：哎呀，政府、干部，哎哟，我冤枉哪。。。
杨科长：这还没审你呢，你哭什么呢你？
贼：哦，搞惯了
杨科长：还是老麻雀。你！
贼：啊？
杨科长：跟他什么关系？
贼：我是他爹。。。啊啊啊。。。他是我爹。。。不不不。。。我们是双胞胎。。。
杨科长：双胞胎？他长得怎么这么老啊？
贼：他？
杨科长：嗯！
贼：他早熟！。。。他吃错了药。。。
杨科长：你才吃错了药。你长得怎么这么难看哪？
贼：我职业病
杨科长：什么职业？
贼：贼眉鼠眼
杨科长：你干什么来了？
贼：我是来进货的
杨科长：进什么货的？
贼：还不是六十万的存折，四十八个金戒指，六十条金项链。。。
杨科长：行了！你全说出来了
贼：我记起来了，他还偷了我一件衣服呢！
（杨科长说的一些话可以改成旁白）
8. 简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。 “没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。 “那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。 “号码呢？” “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick‘s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
(8)英语笑话100篇扩展阅读：
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。
人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。
同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。
9. 急需一篇英文笑话小短文，字数大约100字左右，要带翻译的，谢谢啊
Xiaohua started to learn English about 6 months ago and is now eager to practice his English whenever and whereever he can. Today is Sunday, as usual, Xiaohua came to the central park to find chances of practicing his English. Accidently, he bumped into an American tourist.
"I am sorry," said Xiaohua.
"I am sorry too (two)," replied the American tourist. Thinking that using numbers may indicate the degree of apology, Xiaohua continued,
"I am sorry three." Confused by Xiaohua's remarks, the American tourist asked,
"What are you sorry for (four)?"
"I am sorry five," Xiaohua quickly replied.
晓华6个月前开始学习英文。他现在急于找机会练习他的
英文。今天是星期天，同往常（以往的星期天）一样，晓华来到了中央公园寻找机会练习英文。一u不小心，他走路时碰撞到了一位美国游客。
“对不起，” 晓华对美国游客说。
“我也对不起，” 美国游客对晓华说。
由于英文里的“也”与“2”发音相似，晓华以为在英文里，数字可以用来表达“更诚恳的道歉。 晓华接着对美国游客说，
”对不去3。“
对于晓华的讲话有点迷惑，美国游客问道：
”你为啥对不起。“
由于英文里的“为啥”与“4”发音相似，晓华立即回答说：
“对不起5。”