英文演講稿搞笑

『壹』 需要一篇不超過3分鍾的英語演講稿，要幽默有趣，中英對照！

A
Young
Idler,An
Old
Beggar
Almost
everyone
knows
the
famous
Chinese
saying：A
young
idler，an
old
beggar.
Throughout
history，we
have
seen
many
cases
in
which
this
saying
has
again
and
again
proved
to
be
true.
It
goes
without
saying
that
the
youth
is
the
best
time
of
life，ring
which
one's
mental
and
physical
states
are
at
their
peaks.
It
takes
relatively
less
time
and
pains
to
learn
or
accept
new
things
in
a
world
full
of
changes
and
rapid
developments.
In
addition，one
is
less
likely
to
be
under
great
pressure
from
career，family
and
health
problems
when
young.
Therefore，a
fresh
mind
plus
enormous
energy
will
ensure
success
in
different
aspects
of
life.
Of
course，we
all
know：no
pains，no
gains.
If
we
don't
make
every
effort
to
make
good
use
of
the
advantages
youth
brings
us，it
is
impossible
to
achieve
any
goals.
As
students，we
should
now
try
our
best
to
learn
all
the
subjects
well
so
that
we
can
be
well
prepared
for
the
challenges
that
we
will
face
in
the
future.
少壯不努力,老大徒傷悲
幾乎所有人都知道中國有一句老話:少壯不努力,老大徒傷悲.通過閱讀歷史,我們從一個又一個的案例當中得知,這句話被證實是真確的.
不用說都知道,在青年時期,人的智力和身體狀況都是一生中最好的,這也是一個人一生中最好的時期.在這個處處都不停地轉變,飛快地發展的世界裡,年輕使人相對地用更少的時間去學習和領悟新知.在這時,很少人會困在從事業上來的壓力下,家庭和健康問題也比較小(就是說不是沒有--譯者).所以,一個清醒的腦袋加上巨大的能量就會成就人生中不同方面的成功.
當然,我們都知道:沒有挫折就沒有獲得.如果我們沒有好好努力去利用年輕帶給我們的優勝之處,那就沒有可能獲得任何的成功.作為中學生,我們應該做到最好去學好每一個科目,這樣的話,我們就可以為將來即將面對的挑戰做好准備.

『貳』 三分鍾幽默演講稿英文

丈夫：早晨刮刮鬍子，感覺年輕了10歲！
妻子：哼！如果真那樣，就睡覺前刮。

『叄』 英語三分鍾演講稿幽默

Revenge
An Insurance Agent was trying to ince a Hard Man to Deal With to take out a policy on his house. After listening to him for an hour, while he painted in vivid colours the extreme danger of fire consuming the house, the Hard Man to Deal With said:
"Do you really think it likely that my house will burn down inside the time that policy will run?"
"Certainly," replied the Insurance Agent; "have I not been trying all this time to convince you that I do?"
"Then," said the Hard Man to Deal With, "why are you so anxious to have your Company bet me money that it will not?"
The Agent was silent and thoughtful for a moment; then he drew the other apart into an unfrequented place and whispered in his ear:
"My friend, I will impart to you a dark secret. Years ago the Company betrayed my sweetheart by promise of marriage. Under an assumed name I have wormed myself into its service for revenge; and as there is a heaven above us, I will have its heart's blood!"

『肆』 求一篇幽默的英語演講稿,不用太長~

Love Your Mother
愛你的母親
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
你為什麼哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
因為我是女人,她告訴他.
"I don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
媽媽擁抱了他說,"你永遠也不會明白,但沒關系..."
Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
後來小男孩問他的父親"媽媽為什麼似乎在無緣無故的哭泣?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
"所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣",這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,
他仍然奇怪媽媽為什麼哭.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
最後他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問"上帝,為什麼女人容易哭泣?"
GOD answered......
上帝回答:
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"當我創造女人的時候,
我決定把她造的很特別,
我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔整個世界,但是,
卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...
I gave her the inner strength
to enre childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
我給她內在的力量去忍受生產的劇痛,
也讓她有勇氣承受無數的傷害,
甚至這些傷害有時會來自於自己的孩子...

I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進,
並且照顧自己的家人和朋友,
甚至當每個人都放棄的時候,
她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我給她內心的敏感,讓她在任何環境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
我給她力量關心她的丈夫，盡管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心．

For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
因為這些種種的困難，
我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，
這是當她在需要時可以使用的，
這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．
當你看到她哭泣的時候，
告訴她你有多麼地愛她，
告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，
即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，
但你會使她的心裡得到安慰．

She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是獨特的！
請把這個信息傳遞給你認識的女人， 有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命里的人．
But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
但是，也把這個信息傳遞給男人，因此他們會明白女人是多麼奇妙的被造物．
每一天，生活中都會有必須爬的山，但是勇氣會使每一步都更輕松．

Love your Mother Always
永遠愛你的母親，
and keep her Smiling
並且使她微笑常在

全部人工翻譯
獻給我的母親

『伍』 三分鍾幽默演講稿英語

三 Expensive Price

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂貴的代價

牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元專。

母親屬：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？

牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

『陸』 2分鍾英語演講稿幽默

提供一個英文版本的
If There Were No After Life
Whether there』 afterlife, the answer has never been the same. The atheists deny after life, believing that our life is no more than from the cradle to the grave. They may care about their illustrious names after death; they may feel attached to the affection of their offspring, but they never lay their hopes on their afterlife. They may also say that good will be rewarded with good, and evil with evil, but they don』t really believe any retribution in their after life.

However, in the religious world or among the superstitious people, the belief in afterlife is very popular. They do not only believe in afterlife, but thousands of reincarnations as well. In the mysterious world, there are the paradise and the hell, the celestial beings and the gods, the Buddha and the Bodhisattvas.

『柒』 求一篇一分鍾的英文演講稿，要求越簡單越好，貼近生活，最好幽默點．

不知你是否喜歡我寫的這篇」我愛姚明」演講?
I
love
Yao
Ming.
Boys
and
girls,
Look
at
me!
Boys
and
girls!
Listen
up!
This
is
my
idol.(你可以舉一張姚明的畫象)
Cause
he
is
a
role
model.
His
name
is
Yao
Ming.
Can
you
repeat
after
me?
Yao
Ming!
And
this
is
his
number
(11)(你伸出兩個手指做勝利的手勢)
Can
you
repeat
after
me?
Eleven,
eleven!
Eleven
means
victory!
Yao
Ming
is
a
sportsman!
Yao
Ming
is
a
superman!
He
is
super.
He
is
a
dream
catcher!
His
dream
has
come
true.
He
is
playing
in
NBA.
I
have
no
doubt
he
has
bigger
dreams
in
his
mind.
To
get
a
NBA
champion
ring!
I
pray
for
him!
I
hooray
for
him!
I
love
my
idol
and
my
idol
loves
me!
Boys
and
girls,
hooray
for
Yao
Ming!
Boys
and
girls,
thank
you
for
listening.

『捌』 求一篇英語幽默演講稿，中英文互譯的，5分鍾左右

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, 「 Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. 」
「 Oh, sorry, 」 the owner said, 「 I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. 」
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, 「 Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. 」
「 Yes, here it is, young man. 」
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
「 Does it ring on time? 」 he asked the old man.
「 Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. 」
一隻鬧鍾
一個年輕人到一個山村去度假。那天夜裡，他住宿在火車站附近的一個旅館里。
上床睡之前，他對旅館老闆——一個老頭兒說：「對不起，先生，請問您能在五點差一刻叫醒我嗎？我明天早晨要乘五點的火車。」
「哦，很抱歉」，旅館老闆說，「恐怕不行，我不可能起那麼早。」
年輕人正想回到房間去，又停住了問：「那你有鬧鍾嗎？或許它能幫助我。」
「我有，給你，年輕人。」
年輕人很高興地拿了鬧鍾，謝了老頭兒。但當他仔細查看了鬧鍾後，發現似乎有毛病。
「它能准時鬧嗎？」他問老頭兒。
「那當然！時間一到，你搖一搖，他就會響的。」

『玖』 英語幽默的演講稿怎麼寫

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

An Alarm Clock
A young man went to a mountain village for his holiday. One night he stayed at a small hotel near a train station.
Before going to bed, he went to the owner of the hotel and said to the old man, 「 Excuse me, sir. Will you please wake me up at a quarter to five? I'm going to take the five o'clock train tomorrow morning. 」
「 Oh, sorry, 」 the owner said, 「 I am afraid I can't. I don't get up that early. 」
The young man started to go back to his room when he stopped and asked, 「 Do you have an alarm clock? That would help me. 」
「 Yes, here it is, young man. 」
The young man took the clock happily and thanked the old man. But when he looked at it carefully, there appeared to be something wrong with it.
「 Does it ring on time? 」 he asked the old man.
「 Sure! Just shake it when it's time to get up, and it'll ring. 」
一隻鬧鍾
一個年輕人到一個山村去度假。那天夜裡，他住宿在火車站附近的一個旅館里。
上床睡之前，他對旅館老闆——一個老頭兒說：「對不起，先生，請問您能在五點差一刻叫醒我嗎？我明天早晨要乘五點的火車。」
「哦，很抱歉」，旅館老闆說，「恐怕不行，我不可能起那麼早。」
年輕人正想回到房間去，又停住了問：「那你有鬧鍾嗎？或許它能幫助我。」
「我有，給你，年輕人。」
年輕人很高興地拿了鬧鍾，謝了老頭兒。但當他仔細查看了鬧鍾後，發現似乎有毛病。
「它能准時鬧嗎？」他問老頭兒。
「那當然！時間一到，你搖一搖，他就會響的。」