搞笑的英語諺語

『壹』 明天英語演講，希望找一些比較常用並且搞笑的英語諺語或俗語，嗯~本人高三，最好要整理好噢~~~有報酬

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
鈔票不是萬能的，有時還需要信用卡。

One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。

Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每個成功男人的背後都有一個女人，每個不成功男人的背後都有兩個女人。

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，畢竟幸福不是永久的嘛。

The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
聰明人都不結婚，但一旦結了婚很難再聰明起來。

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一個相關名詞，它會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚（聯系）。

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
愛情就象照片，需要暗房來沖洗（發展）。

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
後排座位上的小孩會生出意外，後排座位上的意外會生出小孩。

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
有夢想才有未來,所以去睡覺吧。

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
應該有更好的方式開始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每個上午都醒來。

"Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? "
努力工作不會導致死亡! 不過我不會用自己去證明。

"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
工作好有意思啊！尤其是看著別人工作。

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神決定了誰是你的親戚，幸運的是在選擇朋友方面他給你留了餘地。

When two's company, three's the result!
男女搭配，必有後輩！

A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
服飾就象鐵絲網,它阻止你冒然行動，但並不妨礙你盡情觀看。

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
學的越多,知道的越多； 知道的越多，忘記的越多；忘記的越多，知道的越少：那還學什麼勁兒？

『貳』 求幾則關於幽默的名人名言，中英文 不是要幽默的，是要關於幽默的。

幽默是真正的民主（羅·安·約翰遜）

●自由產生詼諧，詼諧也產生自由（讓·保爾·里希特）

●幽默是生活波濤中的救生圈（拉布）

●幽默乃是尊嚴的肯定，又是對人類超然物外的胸襟之明證（羅曼尼·葛瑞）

●幽默是絕不肯正經其事的荒謬感（烏錫爾）

●幽默是藏身於笑話之後的嚴肅（約·韋斯）

●幽默帶來悟力和寬容，冷嘲則帶來深刻而不友善的理解（阿格尼斯·雷普利爾）

●總有人註定要因某個玩笑而受苦（赫茲里特）

●幽默與嚴肅互為驗石，因為不願接受善意的玩笑，其中必有疑處，而經不住審度的玩笑也一定是智慧（高爾克亞）

●幽默是表明工人對自己事業具有信心並且表明自己占著優勢的標志（恩格斯）

●探求如何在一切事物前發出笑聲和從一切事物中尋找出可笑之處，這兩者之間存在著天淵之別（舍夫茨別利）

●任何虛假的庄嚴，都會在幽默面前被剝去偽狀（維吾爾族）

●幽默可謂對生活不調合部分善意的考慮以及藝術的表現……而幽默的根本則是人性善良的一面（英·李卡克）

●幽默是多麼艷麗的服飾，又是何等忠誠的衛士！它永遠勝過詩人和作家的智慧；它本身就是才華，它能杜絕愚昧（司各特）

●可以說，詼諧幽默是人們在社交場上所穿的最漂亮的服飾（薩克雷）

●幽默被公正地譽為最佳詩才（托·卡萊爾）

●缺乏幽默感的人不能算是很完善的人（柯勒律治）

●你可以假裝嚴肅，卻無法假裝詼諧（薩夏·吉特里）

●無稽之談比非凡的機智更能使我們發出笑聲，因為無稽之談更適合於我們，更符合我們的天性（德·瓦盧瓦）

『叄』 誰有英語幽默短文，小故事，名人名言

1·英語幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」
2· 英語小故事——A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. 「What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?」
"I gave it to a poor old woman,」 he answered.
"You're a good boy,」 said the mother proudly. 「Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?」
"She is the one who sells the candy.」
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
2、小學生英語小故事——The Hippo and I
A hippo lives in the zoo. I like him very much. I often go to see him. He often thinks of me, too. Today is Sunday. It is fine today. I go to see him again. After I leave the zoo, he follows me to my house. I give him lettuce, cabbages, bananas, apples and other food. He eats them up. When I sing songs, he stays in the pool. He is as quiet as a rabbit.
In the evening, he jumps onto my bed with me. My mum tells him to go home. He has to pack his bag and go back to the zoo. My mum lets me see him every week.
河馬住在動物園里，我很喜歡他。他經常去看它，他也經常想我。
今天是星期日，是個好天氣，我又一次去看望它。在我離開動物園之後，他跟隨到我的家。我給他萵苣、生菜、香蕉、蘋果和其他食物。他都吃了。
當我唱歌是，它待在水池裡，像兔子一樣安靜。
晚上，他跳到床上同我睡覺在一起睡。
媽媽要它回家。它不得不背起包回到動物園。媽媽允許我每周去看它。
3·英語勵志名人名言

1、All things in their being are good for something.
天生我才必有用。

2、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.
困難坎坷是人們的生活教科書。

3、Failure is the mother of success.——Thomas Paine
失敗乃成功之母。

4、For man is man and master of his fate.
人就是人，是自己命運的主人。

5、The unexamined life is not worth living.——Socrates
混混噩噩的生活不值得過。——蘇格拉底

6、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew.——Erasmus
只有每天再度戰勝生活並奪取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。

7、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness.——R.M. Nixon
命運給予我們的不是失望之酒，而是機會之杯。因此，讓我們毫無畏懼，滿心愉 悅地把握命運。——尼克松

8、Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.——John Ruskin
生活沒有目標，猶如航海沒有羅盤。-- 羅斯金

9、What makes life dreary is the want of motive.——George Eliot
沒有了目的，生活便郁悶無光。——喬治·埃略特

10、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.——Lincoln
卓越的天才不屑走旁人走過的路。他尋找迄今未開拓的地區。

11、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power.——Balzac
沒有偉大的意志力，便沒有雄才大略。——巴爾扎克

12、The good seaman is known in bad weather.
驚濤駭浪，方顯英雄本色。（勵志名言）

13、Fear not that the life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.——J.H. Newman
不要害怕你的生活將要結束，應該擔心你的生活永遠不會真正開始。——紐曼

14、Gods determine what you're going to be.——Julius Erving
人生的奮斗目標決定你將成為怎樣的人。——歐文

15、An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.——Robert Louis Stevenson
生活的目標，是唯一值得尋找的財富。-- 史蒂文森

16、While there is life there is hope.
一息若存，希望不滅。——英國諺語

17、Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.——A. Einstein
不要為成功而努力，要為做一個有價值的人而努力。——愛因斯坦

18、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success.——Charles Chaplin
人必須有自信，這是成功的秘密。——卓別林

19、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.
不管追求什麼目標，都應堅持不懈。

20、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.——Mattin Luther King
我們必須接受失望，因為它是有限的，但千萬不可失去希望，因為它是無窮的。——馬丁·路德·金

21、Energy and persistence conquer all things.——Benjamin Franklin
能量加毅力可以征服一切。——富蘭克林

22、Nothing seek, nothing find.
無所求則無所獲。

23、Cease to struggle and you cease to live.——Thomas Carlyle
生命不止，奮斗不息。——卡萊爾

24、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.
千里之行，始於足下。

『肆』 搞笑英語小說和英語諺語

Reading enriches the mind.開卷有益。

Reading is to the mind while exercise to the body.讀書健腦，運動強身。

Respect yourself, or no one else will respect you.要人尊敬，必須自重。

Rome is not built in a day.冰凍三尺，非一日之寒。

Saying is one thing and doing another.言行不一。

Seeing is believing.眼見為實。

Seek the truth from facts.實事求是。

Send a wise man on an errand, and say nothing to him.智者當差，不用交代。

Set a thief to catch a thief.以賊捉賊。

Short accounts make long friends.好朋友勤算賬。

Something is better than nothing.聊勝於無。

Soon learn, soon forgotten.學得快，忘得快。

Soon ripe, soon rotten.熟得快，爛得快。

Speech is silver, silence is gold.能言是銀，沉默是金。

Still water run deep.靜水常深。

Strike the iron while it is hot.趁熱打鐵。

Success belongs to the persevering.堅持就是勝利。

Take things as they come.既來之，則安之。

Talking mends no holes.空談無補。

Talk of the devil and he will appear.說曹操，曹操就到。

Tall trees catch much wind.樹大招風。

Teach others by your example.躬親示範。

The best hearts are always the bravest.無私者無畏。

The best man stumbles.偉人也有犯錯時。

The cat shuts its eyes when stealing.掩耳盜鈴。

The danger past and God forgotten.過河拆橋。

The darkest hour is nearest the dawn.黎明前的黑暗。

The darkest place is under the candlestick.燭台底下最暗。

The devil knows many things because he is old.老馬識途。

The devil sometimes speaks the truth.魔鬼有時也會說真話。

The die is cast.木已成舟。

The early bird catches the worm.早起的鳥兒有蟲吃。

The end justifies the means.只要目的正當，可以不擇手段。

The end makes all equal.死亡面前，人人平等。

The eye is bigger than the belly.貪多嚼不爛。

The farthest way about is the nearest way home.抄近路反而繞遠路。

The finest diamond must be cut.玉不琢，不成器。

The fire is the test of gold, adversity of strong man.烈火驗真金，艱難磨意志。

The first step is the only difficulty.邁出第一步是最艱難的。

The fox knew too much, that's how he lost his tail.機關算盡太聰明，反誤了卿卿性命。

The fox preys farthest from home.兔子不吃窩邊草。

The frog in the well knows nothing of the great ocean.坐井觀天。

The grass is greener on the other side.這山望著那山高。

The greatest talkers are always least doers.語言的巨人總是行動的矮子。

The higher up, the greater the fall.爬得高，摔得慘。

The leopard cannot change its spots.本性難移。 The more noble, the more humble.人越高尚，越謙虛。

The more wit, the less courage.初生牛犢不怕虎。

The outsider sees the most of the game.旁觀者清。

The pen is mightier than the sword.筆能殺人。

The pot calls the kettle black.五十步笑百步。

There are spots in the sun.太陽也有黑點。

There are two sides to every question.問題皆有兩面。

There is a skeleton in the cupboard.家家有本難念的經。

There is kindness to be found everywhere.人間處處有溫情。

There is no general rule without some exception.任何法規均有例外。

There is no medicine against death.沒有長生不老葯。

There is no place like home.金窩銀窩不如咱的狗窩。

There is no royal road to learning.書山有路勤為徑，學海無涯苦作舟。

The style is the man.字如其人。

The tongue is not steel, yet it cuts.人言可畏。

The water that bears the boat is the same that swallows it up.水能載舟，亦能覆舟。

The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all.清者自清，濁者自濁。

The wolf has a winning game when the shepherds quarrel.螳螂捕蟬，黃雀在後。

The world is a ladder for some to go up and others to go down.世界如階梯，有人上有人下。

The world is but a little place, after all.海內存知己，天涯若比鄰。

Think twice before you do.三思而後行。

Things at the worst will mend.否極泰來。

Time and tide wait for no man.時不我待。

Time cures all things.時間是醫治一切創傷的良葯。

Time flies.光陰似箭。

Time is money.時間就是金錢。

Time lost cannot be won again.時光流逝，不可復得。

Time past cannot be called back again.時間不能倒流。

Time tries all.路遙知馬力，日久見人心。

Tit for tat is fair play.人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我必犯人。

To err is human.人非聖賢，孰能無過。

To know everything is to know nothing.什麼都知道，一如什麼都不知道。

To know oneself is true progress.人貴有自知之明。

Tomorrow never comes.我生待明日，萬事成蹉跎。

Too much familiarity breeds contempt.過分熟悉會使人互不服氣。

Too much knowledge makes the head bald.學問太多催人老。

Too much liberty spills all.自由放任，一事無成。

Too much praise is a burden.過多誇獎，反成負擔。

To save time is to lengthen life.節約時間就是延長生命。

Touch pitch, and you will be defiled.常在河邊走，哪有不濕鞋。

Troubles never come singly.福無雙至，禍不單行。

Truth never grows old.真理永存。

Turn over a new leaf.洗心革面，改過自新。

Two dogs strive for a bone, and a third runs away with it.鷸蚌相爭，漁翁得利。

Two heads are better than one.一個好漢三個幫。

Two of a trade seldom agree.同行是冤家。

Two wrongs do not make a right.別人錯了，不等於你對了。

Unity is strength.團結就是力量。

Unpleasant advice is a good medicine.忠言逆耳利於行。

Until all is over one's ambition never dies.不到黃河心不死。

Venture a small fish to catch a great one.吃小虧佔大便宜。

Virtue is fairer far than beauty.美德遠遠勝過美貌。

Walls have ears.小心隔牆有耳。

Wash your dirty linen at home.家醜不可外揚。

Water dropping day by day wears the hardest rock away.滴水穿石。

Wealth is nothing without health.失去健康，錢再多也沒用。

We know not what is good until we have lost it.好東西，失去了才明白。

Well begun is half done.好的開始，是成功的一半。

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.井干方知水可貴。

We shall never have friends if we expect to find them without fault.欲求完美無缺的朋友必然成為孤家寡人。

We should never remember the benefits we have offered nor forget the favor received.自己的好事別去提，別人的恩惠要銘記。

Wet behind the ears.乳臭未乾。

Whatever you do, do with all your might.不管做什麼，都要一心一意。

What is learned in the cradle is carried to the grave.兒時所學，終生難忘。

What's done cannot be undone.生米煮成熟飯了。

What's lost is lost.失者不可復得。

What we do willingly is easy.願者不難。

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.入國問禁，入鄉隨俗。

When everybody's somebody then nobody's anybody.人人都偉大，世間沒豪傑。

When sorrow is asleep, wake it not.傷心舊事別重提。

When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.新仇舊恨，齊上心頭。

When the fox preaches, take care of your geese.黃鼠狼給雞拜年，沒安好心。

When wine is in truth, wit is out.酒後吐真言。

Where there is a will, there is a way.有志者事竟成。

Where there is life, there is hope.留得青山在，不怕沒柴燒。

Where there is smoke, there is fire.事出有因。

While the priest climbs a post, the devil climbs ten.道高一尺，魔高一丈。

Who chatters to you, will chatter of you.搬弄口舌者必是小人。

Whom the gods love die young.好人不長命。

Wise man have their mouths in their hearts, fools have their hearts in their mouths.智者嘴在心裡，愚者心在嘴裡。

Work makes the workman.勤工出巧匠。

You cannot burn the candle at both ends.蠟燭不能兩頭點，精力不可過分耗。

You cannot eat your cake and have it.魚與熊掌，不可得兼。

You can take a horse to the water but you cannot make him drink.強扭的瓜不甜。

You may know by a handful the whole sack.由一斑可知全貌。

You never know what you can till you try.是驢子是馬，拉出來遛遛。 檢舉 回答人的補充 2009-08-10 14:49 There is no royal road to learning. 學習沒有捷徑While the prospects are bright, the road has twists and turns.前途是光明的，道路是曲折的。Man proposes, but God disposes.謀事在人，成事在天。Whatever you do, do with all your might.不管做什麼，都要一心一意 Genius is nothing but labor and diligence. 天才不過是勤奮而已。
What is learned in the cradle is carried to the grave.兒時所學，終生難忘。A man becomes learned by asking questions. 不恥下問才能有學問。
All things are difficult before they are easy. 凡事總是由難而易。
Care and diligence bring luck. 謹慎和勤奮才能抓住機遇。
Confidence in yourself is the first step on the road to success. 自信是走向成功的第一步。
Custom makes all things easy. 有個好習慣，事事皆不難。
Doing is better than saying. 與其掛在嘴上，不如落實在行動上。
Do nothing by halves. 凡事不可半途而廢。
Eat to live, but not live to eat. 人吃飯是為了活著，但活著不是為了吃飯。
Every man has his faults. 金無足赤，人無完人。
Every man is the architect of his own fortune. 自己的命運自己掌握。
Every minute counts. 分秒必爭。
No cross, no crown. 不經歷風雨，怎麼見彩虹。
No pleasure without pain. 沒有苦就沒有樂。
No pains, no gains. 沒有付出就沒有收獲。
No rose without a thorn. 沒有不帶刺的玫瑰。
One eyewitness is better than ten hearsays. 百聞不如一見。
Observation is the best teacher. 觀察是最好的老師。
Nothing is difficult to the man who will try. 世上無難事，只要肯登攀。

『伍』 麻煩好友們給我找一篇好幽默，英文的，大約60—100個單詞。或找兩條英文的名言諺語，別太長，謝謝！

I'm Glad

A teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making
others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you
ever made someone else glad?"
"Teacher,"said a small boy,"I made someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
" I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three
hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she
said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

我很高興

一個老師在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。「現在，孩子們，」她說：「你們當中有誰讓別人高興過？」
「我，老師，」一個小男孩說：「昨天我就使別人高興過。」
「做得好，是誰呢？」
「我奶奶。」
「好孩子。現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。」
「是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她說：『奶奶，我要回家了。』她說：『啊，我很高興！』」

Every dog has its day.

指富貴無常，凡人皆有得意的時候。

（一個潦倒的人，以前也可能風光過，做人要厚道，不能看低別人。）

活學活用：

— love me, love my dog. 愛屋及烏（打狗就是欺主了）

— Don't wake a sleeping dog. 切莫打草驚蛇，不要生事。

— walk the dog everyday. 每日帶狗散步。

— dog leash 狗鏈； dog collar 狗項圈

A good conscience is a soft pillow.

不做虧心事，不怕鬼叫門。

活學活用：
conscience

A clear conscience laughs at false accusation.
[諺] 只要問心無愧， 旁人的指責可一笑置之。

A clear conscience is a sure card.
[諺] 只要問心無愧， 旁人的指責可一笑置之。

A good conscience is a constant feast.
[諺] 問心無愧， 高枕無憂。

A good conscience is a soft pillow.
[諺] 問心無愧， 高枕無憂。

A guilty conscience is a self -accuser.
[諺]做賊心虛。

A guilty conscience needs no accuser.
[諺]做賊心虛。

A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder.
[諺]沒做虧心事， 不怕鬼叫門。

『陸』 為什麼很多人喜歡福原愛

福原愛雖然是土生土長的日本姑娘，但是由於被作為日本的專業乒乓球運動員訓練開始，就早早的送來了中國學習，而且據說常年都是在咱們東北的謀塊基地進行的訓練，這也就無形當中成就了她「萌萌噠」的東北味兒普通話，還有一段跨過的姻緣。
當然，這還不是我們最喜歡她的地方。我最喜歡的是，她像正常小女生一樣的表現。就好比說我們的「大魔王」張怡寧對陣日本選手福原愛的時候，最經典的一幕就是咱們這邊兒的教練，在休息的時候讓張怡寧讓她兩個球兒，結果張怡寧說：「讓了，但是她打不著。」是啊，可能是咱們張怡寧打得太666666了，於是乎讓的球還是沒能讓單純的福原愛好受一點兒，然後就看到福原愛在比賽之後又哭了。

還有一個比較逗的事情是說，中國首富王健林先生的兒子王思聰，有一次在微博上面誇贊福原愛很可愛的時候，就被有心的媒體記錄下來並且拿去問了福原愛本尊，福原愛先是很禮貌的表示了謝謝，而後又很可愛的問這個人是誰等等。是的，就是這樣簡單、可愛的福原愛，讓我們對於充滿了深仇大恨的國家日本平添了幾絲的好感，也是由於福原愛那東北味十足的超順溜兒普通話也讓我們對於她而言看到了親切，還有她對於未婚夫（現在的老公）萌萌噠的表現和對於中國文化的推崇，也讓我們更多的人認識了她，並且喜歡上了這位來自日本的姑娘，現在正宗的中國媳婦兒。

『柒』 英語諺語搞笑翻譯

when pig can fly
當豬會飛的時候
意思是：猴年馬月