英語短笑話帶翻譯
㈠ 很短的英語笑話，帶翻譯。
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老師：湯姆，復您為什麼制每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
㈡ 英語小笑話帶翻譯100個
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。
英語笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告「年輕者」
這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」
英語笑話（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」
英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」
英語笑話（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦 ？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」
回答者：lovemydream - 高級經理 七級 7-5 10:08
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評論者： YABNV - 魔法學徒 一級
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Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
邏輯推理
小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：「有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裡。於是他開始掙扎並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麼？」 一個女生舉手答道，「是不是去取他的存款？」
[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的「銀行」之外，還有「河岸」的意思。
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent『s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
「I want『yes』or『no，』」thundered counsel．「There is no need for you to argue the point！」
「But there are some questions which cannot be answered by『yes』or『no，』」mildly responded the witness．
「There are not！」 snapped the lawyer．
「Oh，」 said the witness，「answer this then：「Have you ceased beating your wife？」
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向於在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
「我要你回答『是』或者『不是』，」辯護律師怒喝道： 「你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。」
「可是有些問題無法用『是』或者『不是』來回答。」這位證人溫和地回敬他。
「不存在這樣的問題！」律師厲聲打斷他。
「噢，」證人說：「那麼請你回答這個問題：「你停止打你老婆了嗎？」
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。
昨天夜裡我爸媽表演「混合雙打」
Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜裡我還見過呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.」
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:「家醜不可外揚。」(
抄的..
㈢ 英語笑話帶翻譯 短一些
1.Mother: "I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?"
Johnny: "Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn』t notice the other."
媽媽：「約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點心。現在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎？」
約翰尼：「嗯，我想是因為裡面太黑我沒看到另外那塊。」
2.Kevin: My wife and I argue a lot. She is very touchy——the least thing sets her off.
Christopher: You』re lucky. Mine is a self-starter.
凱文：我和老婆經常吵架。她太愛發火——一點就著。
克里斯托弗：你是幸運的。我老婆是個自動發生器。
3."Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"
4."Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了？" 媽媽在廚房裡問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"
5.Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！
㈣ 英語笑話帶翻譯 短一些
Stranger:
Catch
any
fish?
Fisherman:
Did
I!
I
took
forty
out
of
this
stream
this
morning.
Stranger:
Know
who
I
am?
I'm
the
game
warden.
Fisherman:
Know
who
I
am?
I'm
the
biggest
liar
in
the
state.
陌生人：釣到魚了嗎？
釣魚者：我是誰？一早晨我就在這條小溪釣到了40多條魚內呢。
陌生人：你知容道我是誰嗎？我是這里的漁獵執行官。
釣魚者：那你知道我是誰嗎？我是全國最大的說謊者。
㈤ 短的，非常好笑的英語笑話，帶翻譯
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美兒子
A:我有一個很完美的兒子.
B:他抽煙嗎?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒嗎?
A:不喝.
B:他會不會很晚回家?
A:不會.
B:我想你確實有一個完美兒子. 那他多大了?
A:下個星期三就滿6個月了.
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。
孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得像一個紳士那樣。」
迪克問：「像一個紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」
他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」
迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
「孩子，你為什麼用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？」
「沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在裡面。」
「I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .」
「Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!」
「Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .」
「對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。」
「20美元！為什麼？不是說好只要4美元。」
「是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。」
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
㈥ 英語小笑話（帶翻譯）短些
1、Warning
,.
"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.
Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,."Forgotwewerecoming,didn『tyou?"Iteased.
"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"?"
提醒
我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，「提醒」他我們將光臨。
但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。「忘了我們要來，是吧?」我取笑他。
「開什麼玩笑?「，他回答說，「要不我憑什麼費神打掃?」
2、GroundRules
.
,hesaid,",
soIdon『.Ido,however,『restillrunning."
基本原則
位於吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，
他說：「我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看錶我並不介意。
不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。」
3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,
"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"
After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
晚飯後，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：「寶貝，去看看廚房裡的燈是不是還開著呢？」 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：「媽，廚房裡太黑了，我根本就看不見。」
4、Young hopeful：「Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：「A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．」
Young hopeful：「Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？」 Father：「A convert，my son．」
有希望的青年人：「父親，什麼叫政治叛徒？」 父親（一位老資格的政治家）：「叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人。」
有希望的青年人：「那麼，離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什麼呢？」 父親：「叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。」
5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.
This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.
In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.
我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他們永不會有機會來享受早晨的新鮮空氣和寧靜。
這真是一件 發令人遺憾的事情。早起是我們應該養成的一種良好習慣。為什麼？因為早晨是我們從事學業的大好時間。
再者，早起對我們健康也有益處。我希望每個人應該知道我們必須早起的理由。
㈦ 簡單的英語小笑話(帶翻譯）
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字。布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。 「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。 「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。 「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。 「號碼呢？」 「您就隨便給我拿一副吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick『s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試。在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
6、Jim』s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試。舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？-- 墓地守墓人。
(7)英語短笑話帶翻譯擴展閱讀：
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。
人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，後來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。但還有很多笑話，是流傳於民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。
同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。隨著近十年網路和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網路笑話，網路流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。
㈧ 英語小笑話，越短越好，帶翻譯
1、金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!
斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
弗雷德：你想在哪兒養它們？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時怎麼辦？
斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！
2、 The Revenge 欺騙的代價
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：「我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。」 妻子說：「不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。」 約翰遜：「但我希望你這么做。」 妻子：「為什麼？」 約翰遜：「因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。」
3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一隻雞
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫師：你哪裡不舒服？
病人：我認為我是一隻雞。
精神病醫師：這種情況從什麼時候開始的？
病人：從我還是一隻蛋的時候開始。
4、How do I get the gum out我怎麼把口香糖取出來
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：「 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裡面取出來呢？」
5、 Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見一個農民正在附近的地里幹活。於是他就把車開過去問那位農民：「勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎？」 「可以。」農夫奇怪地看了看他，然後說道：「你現在在你的車子里，先生。」
6、Chiefis at the wedding 長官在婚禮上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一個超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。「但是警官」這個人說道，「我可以解釋的」。「保持安靜」，警察突然說道。「我將把你送往監獄，直到長官回來。「但是，警察，我，，，」。「我說過了保持安靜，你要到監獄了。」幾小時後，警察向監獄里看了看說道「算你運氣好，因為我們的長官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個愉快的心情回來的。」 「你確定」在牢房裡的這個人說道。「我就是新郎呀」。
7、Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
8、TwoBirds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請說說看。學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
㈨ 英語簡短小笑話，帶翻譯
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conctor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：「先生，醒醒！」
「我沒有睡著。」那個男人回答。
「沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？」
「我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。」
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
「你根本無法想像和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，」一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，「她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麼我的答案是錯的。」Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒？
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀！」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個諺語嗎？
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」
一 Can we have our teacher back？
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
能讓我們的老師回去嗎？
有一次，一位督學去視察一個只有三間教室的學校。一間教室非常吵鬧，因此督學抓住其中一個正在站著說話的人，把他帶進另一間教室，並讓他站在牆角。五分鍾以後，一個小男孩從第一間教室走進來，問道，「您什麼時候能讓我們的老師回去呢？」
二 Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰更有禮貌？
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風度，因為無論什麼時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了
（望採納）