英語經典小笑話

⑴ 經典英語冷笑話故事帶翻譯

He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

⑵ 經典英語小笑話

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked." You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.
一隻雄蟹遇到一隻雌蟹，便要娶她為妻。她注意到他走路是直著走，而不是橫著走。哇！她想，這只雄蟹可真特別，我可不能讓他跑了。因此他們立刻結婚了。
第二天，她又發現她的新郎像其他蟹一樣橫著走路了。她深感不安。「你怎麼了？」她問，「我們結婚前你可是直著走路的。」
「哦，寶貝，」他回答說，「我不可能每天都喝那麼多。」

⑶ 收集100條經典英語段子

美國電影學院評選100句經典英文電影台詞（節選）

1，Frankly，my dear，I don』t give a damn.
坦白說，親愛的，我一點也不在乎。（《亂世佳人》1939）
2，I』m going to make him an offer he can』t refuse.
我會給他點好處，他無法拒絕。（《教父》1972）
3， You don』t understand！Icoulda had class.I coulda been a contender.I could』ve been somebody，instead of a bum， which is what I am.
你根本不能明白！我本可以獲得社會地位，我本可以是個競爭者，我本可以是任何有頭有臉的人而不是一個毫無價值的遊民！ （《碼頭風雲》1954）
4，Toto，I』ve got a feeling we』re not in Kansas anymore.
托托，我想我們再也回不去堪薩斯了。（《綠野仙蹤》1939）
5，Here』s looking at you，kid.
就看你的了，孩子。（《卡薩布蘭卡》1942）
6，Go ahead，make my day.
來吧，讓我也高興高興。（《撥雲見日》1983）
7，All right，Mr.DeMille，I』m ready for my close－up.
好了，德米勒先生，我已經准備好拍攝我的特寫鏡頭了。（《日落大道》1950）
8，May the Force be with you.
願原力與你同在。（《星球大戰》1977）
9，Fasten your seatbelts. It』s going to be a bumpy night.
系緊你的安全帶，這將是一個顛簸的夜晚。（《彗星美人》1950）
10，You talking to me？
你是在和我說話嗎？（《計程車司機》1976）
11、原文："Would you be shocked if I changed into something more comfortable?"
出處：瓊?哈羅（Jean Harlow），《地獄天使》Hell's Angels，1930
譯文："假如我換一身更舒服的衣服你會覺得震驚嗎？"
12，I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
我喜歡聞彌漫在清晨空氣中的汽油彈味道。（《現代啟示錄》1979）
13，Love means never having to say you』re sorry.
愛就是永遠不必說對不起。（《愛情故事》1970）
14、原文："I could dance with you'til the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you came home."
出處：格羅克?馬克思（Groucho Marx），《容易事》Duck Soup，1933
譯文："我可以和你一起跳舞直到母牛回家。如果再想想，我寧願和母牛一起跳舞直到你回家。"
15、原文："You talking'to me?"
出處：羅伯特?德尼羅，《出租汽車司機》Taxi Driver，1976
譯文："你在跟我說話嗎？"
16、原文："Gif me a visky, ginger ale on the side, and don'be stingy, baby."
出處：葛麗泰?嘉寶，《安娜?克里斯蒂》Anna Christie，1930
譯文："給我一杯威士忌，裡面兌一些姜味汽水。寶貝兒，別太吝嗇了。"
17、原文："life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."
出處：湯姆?漢克斯，《阿甘正傳》Forrest Gump，1994
譯文："生活就像一盒巧克力：你永遠不知道你會得到什麼。"
18，Made it，Ma！Top of the world！
好好去做吧，站在世界之巔！（《殲匪喋血戰》1949）
19，I』m as mad as hell，and I』m not going to take this anymore！
我瘋狂得如同地獄中的惡魔，我不會再這樣繼續下去了！（《電視台風雲》1976）
20，Louis，I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
路易斯，我認為這是一段美好友誼的開始。（《卡薩布蘭卡》1942）
21、原文："It's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
出處：米·威斯特（Mae West），《我不是天使》I'm No Angel，1933
譯文："並不是你生活中的男人有價值，而是你與男人在一起的生活。"
22，Bond.James Bond.
邦德，詹姆士邦德。（《諾博士》1962）
23，There』s no place like home.
沒有一個地方可以和家相提並論。（《綠野仙蹤》1939）
24，I am big！It』s the pictures that got small.
我是巨大的！是這些照片讓我變得渺小了。（《日落大道》1950）
25，Show me the money！
讓我看到錢！（《甜心先生》1996）
28，Play it，Sam. Play』As Time Goes By』.
彈這首，山姆，就彈"時光流逝"。（《卡薩布蘭卡》1942）
29，You can』t handle the truth！
你不能操縱事實！（《義海雄風》1992）
30，I want to be alone.我想一個人呆著。（《大飯店》1932）
31，After all，tomorrow is another day！
畢竟，明天又是新的一天！（《亂世佳人》1939）
33，I』ll have what she』s having.我會擁有她所擁有的。（《當哈里遇上薩莉》1989）
37，I』ll be back.
我會回來的。（《終結者》1984）
38，Today，I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
現在，我想我是這個世界上最幸運的人。（《揚基的驕傲》1942）
40，Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you』re gonna get.
媽媽說生活就像一盒巧克力，你永遠都不知道你會得到什麼。（《阿甘正傳》1994）
43，We』ll always have Paris.
我們永遠都懷念巴黎（那段美好的時光）。（《卡薩布蘭卡》1942）
46，Oh，Jerry，don』t let』s ask for the moon.We have the stars.
噢，傑瑞，不要再乞求能得到月亮了，我們已經擁有星星了。（《揚帆》1942）
48，Well，nobody』s perfect.
人無完人。（《熱情似火》1959）
51，You』ve got to ask yourself one question：〃Do I feel lucky？〃Well，do ya，punk？
你應該問你自己一個問題："我是幸運的嗎？"快點去做，年輕人，無知的年輕人。（《警探哈里》1971）
52，You had me at〃hello.〃
當你說"你好"的那一刻起就擁有我了。（《甜心先生》1996）
54，There』s no crying in baseball！
在棒球運動中沒有哭泣！（《紅粉聯盟》1992）
56，A boy』s best friend is his mother.
一個男孩最好的朋友是他的母親。（《驚魂記》1960）
57，Greed，for lack of a better word，is good.
沒有比"貪婪"更好的詞語了。（《華爾街》1987）
58，Keep your friends close，but your enemies closer.
親近你的朋友，但更要親近你的敵人。（《教父II》1974）
59，As God is my witness，I』ll never be hungry again.
上帝為我作證，我不會再讓自己挨餓了。（《亂世佳人》1939）
63，Mrs.Robinson，you』re trying to seceme.Aren』t you？
羅賓遜太太，你是在引誘我，對嗎？（《畢業生》1967）
67，Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world，she walks into mine.
世界上有那麼多的城鎮，城鎮中有那麼多的酒館，她卻走進了我的（酒館）。（《卡薩布蘭卡》1942）
71，Wait a minute，wait a minute.You ain』t heard nothin』yet！
等一會兒，等一會兒。你肯定聽到了什麼！（《爵士歌手》1927）
75，I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
我總是非常依賴陌生人的仁慈。（《慾望號街車》1951）
83，Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
快點來聽！黑夜中孩子的聲音是他們締造的美妙音樂。（《吸血鬼》1931）
94，I feel the need－the need for speed！
我感到一種需要，一種加速的需要！（《壯志凌雲》1986）
95，Carpe diem. Seize the day，boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
人生就應該是快樂的，要抓住每一天，孩子們。讓你們的生活變得非凡起來。（《死亡詩社》1989）
100，I』m king of the world！我是世界之王！（《泰坦尼克號》1997）

⑷ 3分鍾的英語小短文 例如什麼小寓言或者笑話,一些經典的英語短文

Ounces of brain for saleA man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study.He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store.He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

⑸ 經典的英文段子

Life is not easy for any of us. We must work,and above all we must believe in ourselves .We must believe that each one of us is able to do something well, and that, when we discover what this something is, we must work hard at it until we succeed

這是居里夫人的話，激勵了不專少屬人

⑹ 收集經典的全英文笑話

一個醉酒司機和交警的搞笑對話A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What』 s the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I』 m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn』 t know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you』 ve known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I』 m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma』 am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he』s drunk." 還有更多的英語笑話哦 摘自http://www.xhh.cc/xiaohua/yingyuxiaohua/647.html

⑺ 經典英語小笑話

Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand .The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way,sir,"said the deck hand,"it to say nothing about it .If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out,they'd pulled you out ,they'd chuck me in ."
最好的報酬
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。被一名甲板水手救起，這位回軍官問如何答才能酬謝他。
「最好的辦法，長官，」這么水手說，「是別聲張這件事。如果其他人知道我救了你，他們會把我扔下去的。」