對話笑話

㈠ 英語對話笑話

(This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a
bit in a Pink Panther movie).
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the
shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
Submitted by Rick Bell
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There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put
up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign
which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said
"The Best Restaurant on this Block."
Submitted by Jim J. Johnson
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A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks
down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the
engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he
needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins
to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is
still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and
look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the
first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to
the cinema now."
(Present continuous / just for fun)
Submitted by Jeremy Hookway
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One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of
the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and
immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy,
although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be
disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor
told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The prof said, "No and I don't care."
The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?"
The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests,
placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
"Good" the student said, and walked out. He passed.
Submitted by Mary Cobb Neighbors
________________________________________
A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what

was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't
say
things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Submitted by Abu Ablaziz (Kuwait)
________________________________________
James was walking down the road one morning when he met his friend Danny.
"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none
on the other. Did you know?"
"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."
"The Weather forecast?"
"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might
be fine but on the other hand there might be some rain."
(Cantonese students have problems with "on the other hand" because there
is a similar expression in Cantonese that means "in addition". This joke
helps highlight the contrast implied.)
Submitted by Dick Tibbetts, Macau
________________________________________
This worked fine with my level 200a on up.
A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor
and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot
mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it
became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the
bird's bad words embarrassed him very much.
As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot,"That
language must stop!". But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the
bird and shouted again, "Don't use those ugly words!" Again the bird
cursed him.
Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the
refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator,the
parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again
the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the
door of the freezer , threw the bird into it, and closed the door.
This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door
and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up
the man's arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very
frightened:
"I'll be good, I promise...Those chickens in there.. what did they say?"
Submitted by Peggy Datz
________________________________________
I think this joke is funny and so far, all of my intermediate to advanced
ESL classes have agreed with me.
A ck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender says "What can I get you?"
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd):
No, I'm afraid we don't.
And the ck waddles slowly out of the bar.
The next day at the same time, the ck waddles into the bar, hops up on a
bar stool.
Bartender: Hi. What can I get for you?
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (a little annoyed): Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look
buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?
The ck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.
The next day, at the same time, the bartender is cleaning some glasses
when he hears a familiar voice
Duck: Umm.. Do you have any grapes?
The bartender is really ticked off.
Bartender: Look. What's your problem? You came in here yesterday asking
for grapes, I TOLD you, WE DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! Next time I see your
little cktail waddle in here I'm going to nail those little webbed feet
of yours to the floor. GOT me pal?
And the ck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.
The NEXT day at the same time, the ck waddles into the bar, walks up to
the bartender and the bartender says,
"What the heck do YOU want?"
Umm. do you have any nails?
What!? OF course not.
Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?

----
I taught my students waddle, webbed feet but you could teach What the heck
do you want, pal, barkeep, bartender, etc
It is also good to review "any"
________________________________________
A man's dog has a problem so he takes him to the vet's. The vet looks at
the dog and says that he'll have to take him to the examining room. In the
examining room, he takes a cat out of a cage and lets the cat walk all
over the dog, but the dog doesn't do anything.
The doctor say "Your dog is dead."
The man goes out to the receptionist and asks for his bill.
"That'll be $325" says the receptionist.
"What! $325? How's that possible?"
"It's $25 for the consultation, and $300 for the Cat scan."
NOTE: The students might not recognise the word CAT scan.
Submitted by Christine MacBrien (as told to her by her brother Dave in
Toronto
________________________________________
The two beginning ESL students went to Honolulu on holiday. Soon they
began to argue about the correct way to pronounce the word "Hawaii." One
student insisted that it's Hawaii, with a "w" sound. The other student
said it was pronounced like "Havaii," with a "v" sound.
Finally, they saw an old native on the beach, and asked him which was
correct. The old man said it's "Havaii." The student who was right was
very happy, and thanked the old man.
The old man said "you're velcome."
Submitted by: Brian Madden
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Every day, an ESL teacher was seen coming out of the rest room with a
marker, used for writing. In the rest room were expressions and graffitti
written on the walls. It was very bad. Finally, the Director of the school
called the teacher into the office and told the teacher that it was
terrible of him to write those things on the walls. The teacher said that
he was not the one writing those things. All that the teacher did was to
correct the grammar.
Submitted by: Brian Madden
________________________________________
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had
chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs
died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
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A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged
chicken. He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the
chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph. The man tried to
catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a
farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the
story and the man asked for an explanation. The farmer said that he, his
wife and his son all liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.
"What do they taste like?" asked the man.
"I don't know", replied the farmer, "we haven't caught one yet"
Submitted by: Alastair Rice
________________________________________
This one will perhaps only be good for your more advanced students.
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman
refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of
you. Get out!'
The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road
and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he says to one
of the girls, would you tie a knot in me?' This she does. 'Please,' the
piece of string says to the other girl,'would you mind taking your comb
and fluffing out the ends of my string?' so the girl obliges.
'Thank you' says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar
and immediately orders a drink again.
The barman looks at him quizzically and says 'aren't you the piece of
string that was in here a moment ago?'
'No' came the answer, 'I'm a frayed knot.'
Submitted by: Catherine
________________________________________
Three rich brothers each wanted to do something special for their elderly
mother on Mother's Day. The first brother bought her a huge house. The
second brother gave her a limousine, with a driver. The third brother
remembered that his mother used to love to read the Bible, but couldn't
see well anymore, so he got her a specially trained parrot that could
recite any verse from the Bible on demand.
Soon, the brothers received thank-you notes from their mother. The first
son's note said, "The house you bought me is much too big! I only live in
a small part of it, but I have to clean the whole thing!" The second son
got a note that said, "I rarely leave the house anymore, so I hardly use
the limo you gave me. And when I do use it, the driver is so rude!" The
third son's note said, "My darling baby boy, you know just what your
mother loves! The chicken was delicious!"
Teaching Notes: We previewed some of the vocabulary, such as limousine,
trained, delicious, and gave a printed of the joke to the students as
part of a reading activity. We knew they were finished when they started
chuckling. If the reference to the Bible would be inappropriate for your
class, you might adapt the joke by substituting "the classics")
Submitted by: Eve Ross
________________________________________
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very
nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took
the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, "On no! I froze my aunt's bird to death."
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, "I'm sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, "Why the change?"
The bird answered, "Because I saw what you did to the other bird.
(HInt: He saw the frozen chicken.)
Submitted by Erin McCluskey
________________________________________
A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to
live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she
said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell
me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen
cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you
said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm
about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that
secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid. It contained
$100,000 and three eggs.
"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked.
"Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put
an egg in the box."
Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only
three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about
himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $100.000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs
in the box, I ..sold them."
Submitted by Tim Allen, Switzerland
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A man goes out of prison after twenty years. He decides to go back to the
neighbourhood where he lived. When he gets there he cannot recognize the
place. Everything has changed a lot. The places he used to visit have all
disappeared. Even the pub has disappeared.He is very tired and would like
to have something to eat. He goes into a small café and has a coffee and a
sandwich.When he takes out his wallet he finds a shoemaker ticket in it.
He then remembers that the last thing he had done before being arrested
was to take a pair of shoes to the shoemaker's. He decides to go there and
try. What a wondeful thing! The shoemaker is still at the same place. He
gets into the shop and tells the shoemaker that about twenty years before
he had left him a pair of shoes to have them repaired. The shoemaker has a
look at the ticket and says: "O.K. Come back tomorrow. They will be ready
then." Some things never change.
Submitted by Christine MAZEAU
________________________________________
I was once told by a Japanese student that this is an old story.
One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were
sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer.
They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they
decided one of them should go out for more beer.
The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this
is your neighborhood so you know where to go."
The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but my hopping will shake up
the beer and we'll get sprayed every time we open one."
So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how
to get to the nearest liquor store.
An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn't returned, so the snail
and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.
They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting
there putting on his shoes.
Submitted by Rodney A. Hoiseth - Roth Corporation
________________________________________

㈡ 跪求對話式笑話，要很多 ，

1.女：「只要有錢，我嫁給誰都行。」男：「銀行的保險櫃你嫁嗎？」
2.爭吵的時候，男人和女人的區別就像是和機關槍的區別。
3.我妻子想減肥，所以她每天都去騎馬。結果馬一個月之中瘦了四十斤。
4.病人：「醫生，你把剪刀留在我肚子里了。」「沒關系，我還有一把。」
5.法官：你為什麼要印假鈔？被告無辜地說：因為我不會印真鈔。
6.妻：「男人，都是膽小的。」夫：「不見得，否則我何以會與你結婚。」
7.上聯：哈哈哈哈哈，下聯：嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿。橫批：神經有病

8.第一年：他說，她聽。第二年：她說，他聽。第三年：他倆說，鄰居們聽。
9.如果我們生存的冰冷的世界依然難改變，至少我還擁有你化解冰雪的容顏。
10.賊甲：「快數數今天一共搶了多少錢？」賊乙：「不用，明天看看報紙就知道了。」
11男：你臉好白

女：（暗喜）是嗎？
男：是啊，比我屁股蛋子還要白。
男：你手好小巧啊
女：是嗎
男：有種雞爪子的感覺。
男：我對你有點特別的感覺，但是我嘴太笨了，語言組織能力太差，不能很好的表達。
女：........
男：我對你的愛就像滔滔江水綿綿不絕，又如黃河之水泛濫一發不可收拾，你的每一個動作都像膠片一樣錄在我腦子里，你的每個可愛的表情都像照片一樣印在我腦子里。坦白說這些都是我所不能抗拒的。自從我看到你的第一眼，我的人生觀價值掛愛情觀就全部改變了。我將用我的一生為你的一生奉獻。

讓人無語的男女對話，看了你一定崩潰！！！ 【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.1
男：「我可以向你問路嗎？」
女：「到那裡？」
男：「到你心裡」
女：「抱歉，此路不通」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.2
男：「你的腿一定很累吧!」
女：「為什麼？」
男：「因為你在我腦海中跑了一整天」
女：「我覺得還行，因為你的腦子實在是太小了」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.3
男：(看著她襯衫的標簽)
女：「你在做什麼？」
男：「想知道你是不是天堂製造的」
女：「難道你是地獄出品？」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.4
男：「我今天很不順利，看見漂亮女生微笑會讓我心情好一點，你可以為我笑一下嗎？」
女：「你想讓我今天也不順利嗎？」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.5
男：「抱歉，我是藝術家，凝視美女是我的工作」
女：「抱歉，我是飼養員，被別人看著我會很不舒服」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.6
男：「小姐可以借我五元嗎？」
女：「你要做啥？？」
男：「我要打電話給我媽說我今天看到了一個絕世大美女。」
女：「很抱歉我不能借給你。」
男：「為什麼。」
女：「因為我要打電話到醫院，說自己被一個青蛙嚇到了。」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.7
男：「今天的雨真大。」
女：「是啊。」
男：「那是因為老天對著你流口水。」
女：「這么說剛才刮的那陣風是老天在對你放P了？」【男的話絕，女的回答更絕】No.8
男：「相信我……我會讓你成為世界上第二幸福的人!」
女：「為什麼不是第一啊……」(裝可愛貌)
男：「有了你……我就是最幸福的人!」(淺淺的微笑)
女：「我想我很快就能成為世界第一幸福的人了。」(遐想狀)
男：「為什麼？」(疑惑)
女：「因為我就要甩掉你了。」

㈢ 求經典對白笑話,不要多、只要精。

看到這題目這讓我想起：
老闆與員工請假對白
當我向老闆專請假的時候，老闆寫了這封信這樣回答我屬：
你想請一天假？看看你在向公司要求什麼？
一年裡有365天你可以工作。
一年52個星期，你已經每星期休息2天，剩下261天工作。
你每天有16小時不在工作，去掉170天，剩下91天。
每天你花30分鍾時間喝咖啡，加起來每年23天，剩下68天。
每天午飯時間你花掉1小時，又用掉46天，還有22天。
通常你每年請2天病假，這樣你的工作時間只有20天。
每年有5個節假日，公司休息不上班，你只干15天。
每年公司還慷慨地給你14天假期，算下來你就工作1天，
而你***還要請這一天假？

㈣ 2個人對話的笑話- -！

一個美國人,一個法國人還有一個中國人走在大沙漠中,走著走著看到一個瓶子,打開瓶塞後飄出來一個人來,那個人說:「我是神仙,我能滿足你們每個人三個願望!」

美國人第一個搶著說:「我第一個願望是要很多的錢。」神仙說:「這個簡單,滿足你!說說第二個願望吧。」美國人說:「我還要很多的錢!」神仙滿足他的願望後,美國人又說了他的第三個願望:「把我弄回家。」神仙說:「沒問題。」於是美國人帶著很多的錢回了美國。

神仙又問法國人.法國人說:「我要美女!」神仙給了他美女。法國人又說:「我還要美女!」神仙也滿足了他,給了他美女。法國人最後說到:「把我送回法國。」神仙把法國人送回國後問中國人要什麼。

中國人說:「先來瓶二鍋頭吧。」神仙給了他。問他第二個願望是什麼。中國人說:「再來一瓶二鍋頭!」神仙問他第三個願望是什麼。中國人說:「我挺想法國人和美國人的,你把他們都弄回來吧。」

法國人和美國人氣的不得了,但又無可奈何,三個人只好繼續走。

走著走著又看見一個瓶子,打開塞子後又冒出一個人來,那個人說:「我是剛才那個神仙的弟弟,法力沒他高強,所以只能滿足你們每個人兩個願望。」

法國人和美國人合計合計認為先讓中國人說為好,免得一會又被他弄回來。於是中國人說:「那就先來瓶二鍋頭吧。」神仙滿足了他的願望。法國人和美國人催促中國人趕快把第二個願望說出來。中國人喝完二鍋頭後不緊不慢地對神仙說:「行了,沒事了,你丫走吧。」

㈤ 兩人對話爆笑笑話

初三時，一次心血來潮想問女同桌衛生巾多少錢，又不好意思開口，便說：「那個多少錢？」
女同桌很開放，極平淡的說：「一般是幾千的，便宜的有幾百和幾十的。最貴的有幾萬的。」
我被嚇到了：「你的呢？」「不要錢。」
我更奇怪了：「為什麼不要錢？」
「給自己老公和喜歡的人都不要錢。」
我突然意識到她誤會了解釋道：「我說的不是那個，是衛生巾。」兩人同時爆笑

㈥ 世界上最搞笑的笑話雙人對話一人一句

老師問學生：「人生自古誰無死，你接下一句。」
學生答：「人生自古誰無屎，有回誰大便答不用紙。」
老師很生氣，叫學生罰站。
隔年，老師又問回學生同樣的問題。這時學生變聰明了。
他答：「人生自古誰無屎，有誰大便不用紙。若君不用衛生紙，除非你是用手指。」老師很火大，有叫學生罰站！
這時，老師看見窗外下著雪，就遺憾的說：「上天下雪不下雨，雪到地上變成雨。變成雨時多麻煩，為何當初不下雨。」
學生又回復老師：「老師吃飯不吃屎，飯到肚裡變成屎。變成屎時多麻煩，為何當初不吃屎。」
就這樣老師當場暈倒！哈哈……
地理老師問：「河水往哪裡流啊？」
一學生猛站起來唱到：「大河向東流啊！」
老師沒理會他接著說：「天上有多少顆星星阿？」
那學生又唱到：「天上的星星參北斗阿！」
老師氣急：「你給我滾出去！」
學生：「說走咱就走阿！」
老師無奈：「你有病吧？」
學生：「你有我有全都有阿！」
老師：「你再唱一句試試！」
學生：「路見不平一生吼阿！」
老師：「你信不信我奏你？」
學生：「該出手時就出手阿！」
老師怒：「我讓你退學！」
學生：「風風火火闖九洲阿！

㈦ 長篇兩人對話笑話

老師問他：『你怎麼了？』
學生回答說：『我太聰明了，一年級對我來說太簡單了。我比我姐姐都聰明，可是她卻在3年級。我覺得我也應該上三年級！』
老師於是把學生帶到了校長辦公室。
她向校長解釋了一下學生的情況。
校長建議應該給學生一個測試，如果他答錯了任何一個問題，他就應該呆在一年級里。老師同意了。
學生被叫進了辦公室，老師向他說明了校長的意思，學生也同意了。
校長：『3乘3等於幾？』
學生：『9』
校長：『6乘6等於幾？』
學生：『36』
就這樣，校長問了很多3年級的問題，學生都回答正確。
於是校長對學生的老師說：『我想他可以到3年級上課了。』
學生的老師說：『讓我問他幾個問題吧。』
校長和學生都同意了。
老師：『什麼東東牛有4個而我只有2個？』
學生：『腿。』
老師：『什麼東東你褲子里有而我的褲子里沒有？』(校長對學生老師問的問題感到很奇怪，她為什麼要問這些問題，校長想。)
學生：『口袋。』
老師：『什麼東東以C開頭，T結尾，上面有很多毛，橢圓型，含有令人陶醉的，乳白色的液體？』校長的眼睛睜著大大的，想阻止老師繼續問下去，學生回答說：『椰子(Coconut)。』
老師：『什麼東東進去的時候是即紅又硬，而出來的時候是軟的、有黏液的？』
學生：『泡泡糖。』
老師：『什麼事情男人要站著做，女人坐著做，狗用三條腿做？』
學生：『握手。』
老師想了一想說：『現在我將問你幾個「你猜我是什麼「的問題，可以嗎？』
學生：『好的！』
老師：『你用棍橕在我的裡面，把我頂上，再把我支起來。而我在這之前就變濕了。』
學生：『帳篷。』
老師：『手指會進入我。當你煩躁的時候你會玩弄我。最好的男人一直會有我。』
學生：『結婚戒指。』
老師：『進入過我的東東有大有小。當我不舒服的時候，我就會滴下水滴。當你吹我的時候，你會感到很舒服。』
學生：『鼻子。』
老師：『我有一個堅硬的桿。我的頭可以插入到別的東東。隨後，那東東就會全身顫抖。』
學生：『箭。』
老師：『什麼單詞以F開頭，K結尾，並且有讓人興奮的意思。』
學生：『救火車(Firetruck)。』
老師的問題終於問完了，校長鬆了一口氣，擦了擦額頭上的汗說：『我們保送他去北大吧！剛剛你問的那十道題我都全答錯了。』

㈧ 兩人對話爆笑笑話

公交車上２個初中女生的對白！經典死了

以下是公交車上，兩個大概上初中的小女孩的對話

A：哎～你和他的事，家長同意了嗎？
B：恩，我媽同意了，而且覺得他挺好的，特老實。老爸有點不願意，覺得我還太小了。
A：小什麼小？又不是小學生了，怕什麼？
B：嗯，我也這么想。
A：那他現在？？？
B：他現在當然和我們住一起拉！我媽都開始親切的叫他兒子拉！呵呵
A：真好！真羨慕你，我媽可沒這么開明！那他晚上睡哪？
B：當然睡我房間嘍！^_^
A：啊？你媽都讓他睡你房間拉？
B：恩～！ ———————————車上人驚奇的目光———————————
A：快說說有啥感覺？
B：感覺？抱著他睡感覺比以前睡的踏實多了。呵呵
A：對了～對了！那個～他們每天是不是都很累呀？
B：恩～剛開始覺得挺辛苦的，後來習慣了覺得還不錯啦～只是他一般都比較精力旺盛。
A：呵呵，那你……那你一般都給他帶套吧？
B：我當然是主張讓他帶套的啦～老媽也是這個意思，說帶了安全只是他自己不那麼原意帶。
———————————車上的人暈倒！！——————————
A：那可不，帶上那個，看著都覺得難受！等我自己有了，我就不給他帶！呵呵
B：還是帶上的好，必定我們還小，我前天特別去給他買的最大號的哦！現在每天都要好說歹說的半天，才能給他帶上。
———————車上人怪異的目光———————————
A：哎～！羨慕死你了！
B：有啥羨慕的？要麼這樣吧，你周末有空嗎？有空來我家玩吧？住我家也沒事的。
A：住你家？住你家我睡哪呀？
B：當然和我們睡一起嘍？ 平時晚上都是我受累，你來了我就可以休息下了，那他就麻煩你嘍？ A：呵呵，我～我成嗎？
B：沒問題，相信我，我會在旁邊指導你的。
A：恩，那好吧～就這一次哦。
B：想的美，我保證你這一次後就會愛上他的。 ————————————車上人詫異的目光———————————
A：不怕～我要是真看上它了就磨我老媽也去給我買條純種蘇格蘭牧羊犬
B：好呀～買了正好和我的湊一對，記住買狗鏈子時買最大號的脖套，還有買幾個結實點的球球……
應該夠了吧

㈨ 兩人對話的笑話

某班來了個新生。
一天，老師問他：你多大了？
學生：請問老師是問我哪裡多大？
老師：你的年齡。
學生：哦，請問老師是想知道我去年的年齡還是今年的年齡？
老師：廢話，肯定是今年的拉。
學生：哦，請問老師是要我現在告訴你還是下課在告訴你？
老師：現在。
學生：哦，請問老師要我大聲說還是小聲說呢？
老師：靠，你說還是不說阿！少忽悠我！
學生：說，請問老師為什麼想要知道我多大呢？
老師：我隨便問問不行嗎？
學生：哦，那我不回答不行么？
老師：汗死………
「算拉，算拉，同學們，我們今天的課題就是重復一下反義詞。老師說一句，你們接一句，OK！
老師：今天天氣很好
學生：明天天氣很壞
老師：我昨天吃魚頭
學生：你今天吃龜Tou
老師：錯誤
學生：正確
老師：我說錯誤
學生：我說正確
老師：你這個笨蛋
學生：我這個天才
老師：你給我站起來
學生：我給你坐下去
老師：老師叫你站起來，聽見沒？
學生：老師叫我坐下去，聽見了！
老師：你敢不聽老師的話
學生：我不敢聽老師的話
老師：你知道你剛剛說了什麼？
學生：我知道我現在沒說什麼？
老師：這位同學，我知道你是故意的
學生：那位老師，你知道我不是故意的
老師：你沒大沒小
學生：我有小有大
老師：你這么小不學好
學生：我這么大才學壞
老師：我不想說你了
學生：你又想說我了
老師：你給我停止
學生：我給你繼續
老師：算我怕你，停止好么？
學生：我不怕你，繼續好么？
老師：反義詞練習到此結束
學生：近義詞練習現在開始
老師：你有完沒完阿
學生：我沒完沒了阿
老師：你沒教養阿
學生：我有教養阿
老師：難道你像一個有教養的人嗎？
學生：難道我不像沒有教養的人嗎？
老師：郁悶阿
學生：高興阿
老師：我快被你氣死拉
學生：你快被我氣活拉
老師：你能不能不說話阿
學生：我能不能不閉嘴阿
老師：你繼續吧，這課我不上了，我走。
學生：我停止吧，這課還得上，我來。