冷笑話英文
❶ 冷笑話英語翻譯
One day, a man to go fishing, he catch a squid, he told that only squid say: I want a roast it for you. The only squid say: please, don't bake me. That person say: ok, I test you a question. The only squid say: good good, you take an examination of you take an examination of. Results the man put that only to roast. Squid.
❷ 經典英語冷笑話故事帶翻譯
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
❸ 「冷笑話」這個詞用英文怎麼講
如果帶有諷刺意義的，可以說是black humour 黑色幽默
如果只是不搞笑的冷笑話，專有很多種表屬達方式，unfunny jokes，cold jokes，
bad jokes, stupid jokes都可以用來形容冷笑話
❹ 求中文翻譯成英文的冷笑話
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
一個主日學校校(基督教教會為了向兒童灌輸宗教思想, 在星期天開辦的兒童班)的老師在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。「現在，孩子們，」她說：「你們當中有誰讓別人高興過？」
「我，老師，」一個小男孩說：「昨天我就使別人高興過。」
「做得好，是誰呢？」
「我奶奶。」
「好孩子。現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。」
「是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她說：『奶奶，我要回家了。』她說：『啊，我很高興！
Patients: help, the doctor, I am afraid of losing their memory.
Doctors: How long have worried that this?
Patients: What worries?
病人：幫幫忙，大夫，我害怕失去記憶力．
醫生：你這種擔心有多久了？
病人：什麼擔心？
We have not seen you in Shanghai?
No, I have never been to Shanghai.
I do not, must be two other people.
我們沒有在上海見過嗎？
沒有，我從未去過上海．
我也沒有，一定是另外兩個人．
❺ 誰能這幾則冷笑話翻譯成英文
Once upon a time, there was a bird. Everyday, he has to fly through a corn field, One day the corn field cought fire, all the sweet corn has became pop corn! when the bird fly through it..... thought it's snowing, he get cold to death.
One Summer, a giraffe met a rabbit, she is very proud of showing her neck "Ah, little rabbit, you know how good to have a long neck? you know just how fresh and sweet are those leaves at the top of the trees?,,,... you know when you drink cold water in the Summer and feel the cold water slowly flow through the neck?........oh."
The rabbit gave her a glance, just said:"Have you tried vomitting?"
❻ 關於冷笑話在英語中的表達
直接翻譯成cold joke就可以了，GOOGLE上查得到。而絕對不是black humor(以下詳細解釋)
冷笑話屬於失敗笑話的一種，是指由於笑話本身因為皆音字、或翻譯、或省去主語、或不同邏輯、或斷語及特殊內容等問題，或是由於表演者語氣或表情等原因，導致一個原本好笑的笑話不能達到好笑的目的，較難引人發笑而成冷場，不過並不代表笑話本身沉悶，這也是幽默的一種表現。而現在聽到冷笑話大多會會心微笑，有時作出雙臂抱緊的動作表示：「好冷啊！」或與冷語意相關的說話與表現，如打冷震、溫度、空調或炎熱天氣等等。
另外black humor(黑色幽默)是完全不同的概念，什麼是「黑色幽默」呢？通俗地說，某個被判絞刑的人，在臨上絞架前，指著絞刑架故作輕松地詢問劊子手：「你肯定這玩藝結實嗎？」 因此黑色幽默又被稱為「絞刑架下的幽默」。
這一派作品中充斥的諷刺幽默與傳統的幽默大不相同：並不表現一種單純的滑稽情趣，而帶著濃重的荒誕、絕望、陰暗甚至殘忍的色彩。作品以一種無可奈何的嘲諷態度表現環境和個人(即「自我」)之間的互不協調，並把這種互不協調的現象加以放大，扭曲，變成畸形，使它們顯得更加荒誕不經，滑稽可笑，同時又令人感到沉重和苦悶。
下面是幾個冷笑話：
The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫師：你哪裡不舒服？
病人：我認為我是一隻雞。
精神病醫師：這種情況從什麼時候開始的？
病人：從我還是一隻蛋的時候開始。
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
譯文：
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：「我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。」
妻子說：「不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。」
約翰遜：「但我希望你這么做。」
妻子：「為什麼？」
約翰遜：「因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。」
❼ 英文里「冷幽默」或者「冷笑話」這詞怎麼說
1.冷幽默：Cold humor
冷幽默，帶有一點黑色幽默的成分，但又區別於黑色幽默。可以理解為意圖不明顯的幽默。當事人在講一個冷幽默的時候，並沒有刻意地要達到幽默的效果，是一種很隨意的幽默，笑不笑由你。
2.冷笑話：Cold jokes
冷笑話，是指笑話本身因為無聊、諧音字、翻譯、或省去主語、不同邏輯、斷語或特殊內容等問題，或由於表演者語氣或表情等原因，導致一個笑話不能達到好笑的目的，較難引人發笑而成冷場。
(7)冷笑話英文擴展閱讀
由於冷幽默後半部分總會出乎人的意料，所以對冷幽默懷有積極看法的人聽得冷幽默越多，冷幽默就會越冷。原因是冷幽默的後半部分總是出乎聽者意料之外的。
聽者內心總暗示自己，「冷幽默的後半部分內容是猜不到的」，但是人的好奇心卻讓聽者繼續猜。最終導致的結果就是「注意力集中和思維地投入」這個思維過程的加長或加深。
冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,伴隨著網路的普及它已經滲透到了青年群體的日常生活,偶爾爆出的一兩句冷笑話能使交流氛圍變得輕松愉悅,也能展示交談者的幽默和智慧。
參考資料來源：網路-冷幽默
參考資料來源：網路-冷笑話
❽ 求多則簡短英語冷笑話
1
Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
2
Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
3
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
4
Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
5
Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.
6
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.
7
Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
one car come, one car come
two car pangpang
one car die
❾ 求英文冷笑話~~!
There is this guy and this girl and they want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the guy and says.
"My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower."
With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"
Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"
❿ 求英語冷笑話
1、white man：are you Black?
black man：no,i'm White。
白人：你是布萊克嗎？（BLACK是姓葉有黑人的意思）
黑人：不，我是懷特（WHITE是姓也有白人的意思）
2、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
冰山和衣刷之間有什麼區別？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一個 撞 船 一個 刷 大衣！(單詞的拼寫造成的JOKE）
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
夠嗎？不夠我再找！