兒童英語笑話
① 關於兒童節英語的笑話或謎語短一點
1.What month do soldiers hate? --March (三月，抄行襲軍) 2.How many feet are there in a yard? --It depends on how many people stand in the yard. (碼，院子) 3.Why is an empty purse always the same? --There is no change in it. (零錢，。
② 有沒有好的適合講給小孩子聽的英語笑話，中英對照的
Three explorers
There are three explorers found "valley of hope". It is said that you will be able to get what you want if you shout three things you want and then jump down the valley of hope. There is a love called out "the beauty, beauty! Beauty！ Beauty! " Jump to the valley of hope, get a lot of beauty. One of the other explorers shouted "love reading books! Book! Book! " Jump to the valley of hope, and get a lot of books. Finally, an explorer is a person but now irresolute and hesitant, but do not know what is good. He thought for hours, and finally knew what he wanted. But he just went to the edge of the cliff, he tripped over the edge of the cliff stone, fell off the bottom, shiguwucun......
中文：三個探險者
有三個探險者意外找到『希望之谷』。傳說喊三聲你想要的東西，然後跳下『希望之谷』就能得到你想要的東西。其中有一個探險者喜歡美女，就大喊『美女！美女！美女！』再跳下『希望之谷』，就得到了很多美女。其中另一個探險者喜歡讀書就大喊『書！書！書！』再跳下『希望之谷』，就得到了很多書。最後一個探險家是一個優柔寡斷的人，但現在卻不知道要什麼東西好。他想了好幾個小時，終於知道要什麼東西好了：還是鈔票最管用。但是他剛走到懸崖邊，就被懸崖邊的小石子絆倒了，摔下谷底，屍骨無存。。。。。。
③ 求一分鍾左右的兒童笑話
一分鍾左右的兒童笑話有：
1、我哥對侄子說：「真羨慕你小子，每天只是上上學，哪像我上完班還要照顧你媽，你不知道伺候一個多事老娘們兒有多麻煩？」
侄子不服氣說道：「你以為上學輕松呀，你不過是伺候一個女人，我要伺候語文老師，數學老師，英語老師仨多事老娘們兒。。。」
5、早上送女兒上學，我逗她，讓她誇我最帥。女兒白了我一眼，不說話，我威脅她：「你不誇我帥中午我不準你回家吃飯！ 」
中午放學了，女兒打電話給媳婦：「媽媽，我不回去吃飯了！我爸今天早上讓一個美女誇她帥，我白了他一眼，他就生氣了，不準我回家吃飯了！ 」
6、有一個人問上帝：偉大的上帝，在你的眼睛裡，一千年的時間意味著什麼？
上帝回答道：只意味著一分鍾罷了。
萬能的上帝呀，在你的眼睛裡，一萬個金幣又意味著什麼呢？
僅僅意味著一個小錢罷了。
慈悲的上帝呀，那就請你恩賜給我一個小錢吧！
好，可憐的人，就請你稍等一分鍾吧。
④ 短篇英語笑話(初一)一分鍾
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and
saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very
pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and
said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.
What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all
myself," said Tim.
你爸爸幫你了嗎？
一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興
，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都
做對了，怎麼回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
英語幽默笑話
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
聖誕節英語笑話
Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students.
祝老師聖誕節充滿平安和愛。
Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year!
May the season bring much pleasure to you.
願你的聖誕光彩奪目，願你的新年燦爛輝煌！佳節快樂！
Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas
season.
願你擁有聖誕節所有美好的祝福。
Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season.
祝節日幸福如意。
Hope all your Christmas dreams come true!
願你所有的聖誕夢想都成真！
英語短笑話
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, 「It was Mom」。 「How do you know?」 asked her father. 「She didn"t sayanything.」
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, 「dear, look at our sheet! It"s
too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?」
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and
then said, 「I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the
sheet over. Is that all right?」
⑤ 兒童笑話大全 爆笑
1、 兵兵：「真倒霉！我算術考試吃了個『鴨蛋』，爺爺罵我是『小混蛋』，媽媽罵我是『大笨蛋』，還是爸爸乾脆……」丁丁：「他沒罵你？」兵兵：「他叫我馬上『滾蛋』！ 」
2、 三個小朋友在江邊誇耀自己的爺爺。
甲說：我爺爺水性特別好，在水中能潛10分鍾！
乙說：我爺爺是最棒的，有一次他在水中潛了20分鍾，無人能比！
丙說：你們的爺爺都不行，我爺爺在二十年前從這里潛下去，至今還沒上來呢！
3、 為什麼動畫片《貓和老鼠》里的老鼠要比貓厲害？
答：這只老鼠肯定吃過菠菜的。(大力水手血濺三尺……)因為這部動畫片是老鼠寫的。(貓血濺三尺……)
4、為什麼說「老虎屁股摸不得」？答：因為摸到老虎屁股，它尾巴一甩，會把人的手甩到地上去的，很疼的。老虎的屁股太大了。摸老虎屁股是不文明的。(人間自有正氣長存……)
5、 小兒子啼哭，父親問他怎麼了，兒子說：「餓了。」父親安慰他說：「我的兒，你要什麼吃，只管說出來，就是你要龍肝鳳髓，我都可以拿來給你吃。」兒說：「我都不要，只要飯吃。」父親罵道：「你只揀家中沒有的要著吃。」
6、某日，一個落魄的魔術師搭火車，因為沒有座位，於是對一個小孩說：「小朋友叔叔變魔術給你看，你讓位給叔叔好嗎？」小孩說好。魔術師就把他的手提箱往窗外丟，然後又變回來。小孩很高興就把位置讓給他，魔術師坐下後便開始打瞌睡。
過了不久，小孩在一旁覺得很無聊，又想看魔術，於是他拿起魔術師的手提箱往窗外丟，然後搖醒魔術師說：「叔叔，叔叔我還想看你把它變回來一次。」
7、 有一天，小明對老師說，牆上有好多螞蟻。老師又是教英語的，習慣性地問了句『』 螞蟻怎麼說？『』 小明愣了一會，說：『』 螞蟻什麼也沒說。『』
⑥ 簡單的英語小笑話(帶翻譯）
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字。布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。 「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。 「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。 「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。 「號碼呢？」 「您就隨便給我拿一副吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick『s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試。在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
6、Jim』s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試。舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？-- 墓地守墓人。
(6)兒童英語笑話擴展閱讀：
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。
人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，後來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。但還有很多笑話，是流傳於民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。
同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。隨著近十年網路和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網路笑話，網路流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。
⑦ 英語小笑話
1、A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在給學生們監考。他發下試卷，然後回到講台前等待。
考試結束了，學生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發現一張試卷上別著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著：「一分一塊錢。」
第二堂課，教授把試卷都發回學生們手中。其中一個學生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。
2、George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too..."
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
「喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？」 媽媽問。
「媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。」
3、Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什麼生日禮物嗎?
媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什麼呀?
凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。
媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。
凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。
4、Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
客人：「為什麼你的狗狗坐在那兒老是看著我吃東西呢?」
旅館主人：「我不敢想像，除非是因為你拿了它經常用來吃東西的盤子了。」
5、Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot!
牙醫：請不要再叫了，我都還沒有挨著你的牙齒啊!
病人：但是，親，你可知道，你踩到我腳了!!!
6、A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, 「Who is the most obedient, never talks back to
mother and does everything he or she is told?」 he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: 「You play with it, Daddy!」
一個有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家裡，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。「誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓干什麼就干什麼?」他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：「爸爸，您玩兒吧。」
拓展資料
第一則
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
第二則
Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher: Then where is the "egg"?
Student: In the cake, Sir.
第三則
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three weresix and then she said that two and four were six too.....
⑧ 有沒有好的適合講給小孩子聽的英語笑話，中英對照的
little boy There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!" 小男孩 有一個小男孩很喜歡吸自己的手指頭，媽媽多次制止無效後，嚇唬他說：「如果你繼續這樣吸手指頭，你會變得非常胖非常胖的！」 兩周以後，媽媽的幾個朋友過來找媽媽大牌，有位孕婦，小男孩看到後突然大笑：「哈哈，我知道你為什麼會成這個樣子！」 Health Checkup An old couple goes the doctor, just to check their general health. The husband goes in first and the doctor says: "Well, Mr. Jones, you are in a perfect shape considering your age". And the man says: "Sure I am: I don't drink, I don't smoke and the good Lord takes care of me". At which point the doctor seems puzzled and says: "What do you mean?". The old man replies: "For example, last night I had to go to the toilet and God switched on the light for me, so that I wouldn't fall down." The doctor doesn't understand and asks the man to go out and let his wife in. The woman enters the room and the doctor visits her and says: "You are in a perfect shape, considering your age". At which the woman replies: "Sure I am: I don't drink, I don't smoke..." The doctor interrupts her: "... and the good Lord takes care of you, doesn't He?". "The woman looks puzzled: "What are you talking about?". The doctor explains: "Your husband told me. He says the good Lord looks after him. Like last night, when he was in the toilet and God switched on the light for him so that he wouldn't fall". The woman replies: "Good Lord, he peed in the fridge again!" 健康檢查 一對老夫婦去醫院做健康檢查，老先生先進去，醫生說：「照你的年齡來看，你的身體狀況不錯。」 老先生說：「那是當然，我不抽煙不喝酒，而且上帝也特別關心我。」 醫生很詫異，說：「上帝也很關心你是什麼意思 老先生解釋道：「比如，昨天晚上我上廁所，上帝害怕我會摔倒所以幫我把燈打開了。」 醫生不是很明白，於是他把老太太叫進來做檢查，檢查完後，醫生說：「找你的年齡來看，你的健康狀況也相當不錯。」 老太太說：「是啊，我不抽煙也不喝酒 ...」 醫生接著說：「而且上帝也很關心你？」 老太太很驚訝：「什麼？」 醫生解釋道：「剛才我問您先生，他說上帝很關心他，比如昨天晚上，他上廁所上帝主動幫他把燈打開了。」 老太太說：「天哪，他昨天又在冰箱里尿尿了！」 www.qicaipan.com 這個網站上還有好多，我也沒有全看，但是是專門的兒童網站上的小笑話，應該沒有兒童不宜的東西。
⑨ 2分鍾簡單的英語小笑話
明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說： May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？ 小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，於是對著男友說：「SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!」 男的答道：「IT!」 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 一位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過於緊張，看到地上標線是向左轉。 他不放心的問道:turn left？ 監考官回答：right。於是他立刻向右轉…… -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry。 老外應道：I am sorry too。 某人聽後又道：I am sorry three。 老外不解，問：What are you sorry for? 某人無奈，道：I am sorry five。
⑩ 兒童笑話大全
1、八歲的小明還不會說話，父母為此很是煩惱。一天早上，小明看到桌上的早餐，突然開口說道：「麥片粥里放點糖好嗎?」「你說話了！能開口了！」父母驚喜不已。小明聳聳肩膀說：「平時你們做得那麼好，我怎麼好意思開口呢？」2、兒子問：「吹牛」與「說假話」有什麼區別？爸爸：「吹牛」的人說的不是真的，「說假話"的人說的是假的3、外甥上小學一年級，憨憨的可愛。去飯店吃飯，中途說要上廁所，我便陪他一起去，去了後，我也順勢解決，他看了我一下，嘿嘿的笑 。出了廁所進了電梯上包房。我就問他：剛笑什麼 ？外甥：舅舅你的jj真大，比我的大多啦。 滿電梯人啊。爆布汗。。。4、阿獃踢足球的時候又把窗戶打破了，爸爸氣得不知怎樣懲罰他才好，最後，他突然決定：「我把你關到雞棚去。」 阿獃抗議道：「我不要，我不會下蛋。」