初二英語笑話

1. 求：5篇初二水平的英語小笑話。

****** One evening I was commenting on my bad exercise habits and tight clothes. Whenever I criticize myself, my four-year-old daughter always has something charming to say.

Using a new word this time, she smiled and said, "Oh, no, Mommy! You look fabulous!"

******
「Make sure you wash your hands before your piano lesson,」 I reminded my eight-year-old son. "They're probably dirty from soccer practice."

"Don't have to, Mom," he reassured me. "Today I'm practicing in E Flat Minor. They're black keys."

2. 初二學生聽得懂的英語笑話

a pravite comverciom
last week i went to the cineme .i have a good seat and the film very interesting too.but i did not enjoy .a man and a woman were sitting behind me .they were talking loudly .i could not hear the acter word .i got very angrily ,i turned round .but they did not pay any attantion .in the end .i could not bear it i turn around and said :"i could not hear a word " .:"it is non of you business " the man said rudly

3. 初二英語小笑話

One day after school a tree-lined trail, Xiao Maohai a lovely to see me holding a bag of candy attractive, Staring straight candy go, I see him so cute slander, So funny, he's playing: You called my sister gave ten sound you eat candy, Voice faded, the "Voice of the tenth sister," Xiao Maohai immediately called the!
"I am speechless by ...?" ah!
某天,經過學校的一條林蔭小道，
一可愛的小毛孩見我手裡拿著一包誘人專的糖果，
直瞪著糖果不放屬，我見他讒得那麼可愛，
於是逗他玩的：你叫十聲姐姐我就給你糖果吃的，
話音剛落，「十聲姐姐」小毛孩立刻就叫了！
「啊。。。？」我無言了！《轉》作者：小美 （版權）

4. 初二水平英語小笑話200個單詞左右

The Cats and The Corn
The cats from the cat village went to the river for a picnic.
A cat found a corn stalk（玉米桿） .
What can the cats do with the corn stalk?
He must be hungry.He is eating the kernels of corn.
Oh,look!He stopped eating.
Meow made a new tooth from a kernel of corn!
This cat ate the ear of corn.
He made a harmonica（口琴） out of the corncob.
Oh,look! The cats are brushing their teeth with the Harmonica.」Chi-ka,chi-ka.」Up and down,up and down.
That』s right. Teeth have to be cleaned after eating. Good cat!
The cats are thinking of something. They are full and have brushed their teeth.Now it』s time to play. What game can they play with the corn?
First, this cat is making a net with corn silks.
Yes!! He must be planning to catch his favorite fish.
The stalks and the leaves of the corn are being made into a sailboat. The corn stalks are woven into a raft. The sails are made by attaching the leaves.
「Lu=Lu,La-La!Lu-Lu,La-La!」
One cat plays the harmonica as the other cats ride on their sailboat. Another cat brought a net.
He is going to catch some fish. Aren』t they very funny cats?

5. 初一年級英語小笑話

.When Was Rome Built? 羅馬是什麼時候建成的？

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Tom: At night.
Teacher: Who told you that?
Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.

老師：羅馬是什麼時候建成的？
湯姆：在夜裡建成的。
老師：誰告訴你的？
湯姆：是您啊。您說過羅馬不是在一個白天建成的。

2.He Knows the Answer 他知道答案

Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

教師：你能告訴我一些有關十八世紀的偉大科學家的事情嗎？
學生：我能，先生。他們都死了。

3.Where do babies come from? 小孩從哪裡來？

I asked my father where babies come from.
He says you download them from the Internet.

我問爸爸小孩是從哪裡來的，他說是從網上下載的。

4.An Essential Correction 實質性的糾正

Teacher: Walter, why don』t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
Walter: What was it?
Teacher: Eggs.
Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.

老 師：沃爾特，你為什麼不洗臉?我看得出你今天早飯吃了什麼。
沃爾特：我吃了什麼？
老 師：雞蛋。
沃爾特：錯了，老師。那是昨天吃的。

5. I Don』t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想爭論

「Gerald,」 asked the teacher, 「what is the shape of the earth?」
「It's round,」 answered Gerald.
「How do you know it's round?」 continued the teacher.
「All right, it』s square then,」 he replied, 「 I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!」
「傑拉爾德，」老師說，「地球是什麼形狀的？」
「是圓形的，」傑拉爾德回答。
「你怎麼知道是圓的？」老師繼續問。
「好，那就是方的吧，」他回答說。「我真的不想和您爭論這件事！」

6.Three Reasons 三個理由

Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so!

老師：鮑勃，說出三條理由來證實地球是圓的。
鮑勃：媽媽是這么說的，爸爸是這么說的，您也是這么說的！

7.Who Should be Given the Present? 禮物該給誰？

A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked
which one of them should be given the present, 「Who is the most obedient,
never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?」 he
inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: 「You play with it,
Daddy!」

一個有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家裡，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。「誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓干什麼就干什麼？」他問道。
大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：「爸爸，您玩兒吧。」

8.Big Head 大腦袋

「All the kids make fun of me,」 The boy cried to his mother. 「They say I
have a big head.」
「Don't listen to them,」 his mother consoled. 「You have a beautiful
head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.」
「Where's the shopping bag?」
「I haven't got one, use your hat.」

「所有的孩子都拿我取樂，」小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：「他們說我長了一個大腦袋。」
「別聽他們的，」他媽媽安慰說。「你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了,
去到店裡買10磅土豆來。」
「兜子在哪兒呢？」 「我沒有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。」

6. 20篇短片英文小笑話（初一水平）

1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。

3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn』t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"

4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick』s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？

5.
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。

6.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」

7.
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

8.
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

9.
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。

10.
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

11.
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」

12.
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

13.
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」

14.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

15.
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

16.
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。

17.
The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。

18.
Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告「年輕者」
這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」

19.
Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」

20.
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants recing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
「醫生」她沖進屋後大聲說道。
「我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。」
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：「太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。」

21.
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：「旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時。」 過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：「各位，你們猜怎麼啦？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。」 正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：「看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。」

7. 八年級英語笑話

.Teacher:Johnny,why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny:Every time i come to the corner, a guidepost says,"school Go slow"
老師:約翰尼，為什麼你每天早上上學都遲到?「
約翰尼:"每當我經過拐角處，就看見牌上寫著:學校----慢行！

2.Teacher:When is the best time to pick the apples from the trees?
student:When the watchman is not there.
老師:從樹上摘蘋果的最佳時間是什麼時候?
學生：當看守人不在那裡的時候。

3.Tom：what are you doing now?
Mike:i am counting the stars.
TOM:it is dark now.Count them tomorrow moring.
湯姆:你在做什麼？
麥克:我在數星星。
湯姆:現在 天黑，明天早上在數吧。

沒有問題 一個禿頭的男人坐在美容美發店裡。發型師問:「我有什麼可以幫你的嗎?」那個人解釋說:「我本來要去做頭發移植,但那樣實在太疼了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣,而且沒有任何痛苦,我將付給你5,000美元。」「沒問題,」發型師說,然後他很快把自己的頭剃了個精光。No ProblemA bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.「How can I help you?asked the stylist.「I went for a hairtransplant,」the guy explained,「but Icouldn't stand the pain.If you can makemy hair look like yours without causingme any discomfort,I'll pay you$5,000.」「No problem,」said the stylist,andhe quickly shaved his head.I Hung Him Up to DryJim

8. 初二英語幽默小故事

A Clever Panda
A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home. But the pumpkin is too big. The panda can』t take it home.
Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her. She watches the bike. 「I know! I have a good idea.」 she jumps and shouts happily, 「I can roll a pumpkin. It』s like a wheel.」
So she rolls the pumpkin to her home. When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, 「Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?」 the little panda answers proudly, 「I can』t lift it, but I can roll it.」 Her mother smiled and says，「What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,」
聰明的熊貓
一隻小熊貓摘了一隻大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是這只南瓜太大了，她沒有辦法把這么大的南瓜帶回家。
突然她看見一隻狗熊騎著一輛自行車朝她這邊來。她看著自行車，跳著說：「有了！我有辦法了。我可以把南瓜滾回家去。南瓜好像車輪。
於是她把那瓜滾回家。當她媽媽看到這只大南瓜的時候，很驚訝：「天啊！這么食的南瓜！你是怎麼把它帶回家來的？」小熊貓自豪地說；「我拎不動它，可是我能滾動它啊！」她媽媽微笑著說：「真聰明啊！記住：只要你肯動腦筋，沒有難辦的事。

Lady First 女士優先 A
teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be mentioned first."
女士優先
一位老師問班上的學生：」公牛和母牛在田裡「這個句子對嗎？」 大多數學生回答說：「對，一點不錯。」 只有一個小男孩說：「不對，應該先說女士。」

它們是從美國直接帶來的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

The Reason of Being Late
eacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
遲到的原因
老師：約翰尼，為什麼你每天早晨都遲到？
約翰尼：每當我經過學校附近的拐角處，就見路牌上寫著『學校－緩行』。

9. 初二 英語笑話加翻譯

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子來進入教堂和上帝對話源.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."

10. 初中簡短英語小笑話

英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」 英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」 英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。 -- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 英語笑話（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」 「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」 「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。 答案補充
英語笑話（七）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how sty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了一陣。當我終於走進屋裡時大聲喊：「世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。」 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：「媽媽來了？」